Men — Are You Allowing Yourselves To Be Encouraged In Heart?
How the words of my grandfather brought me to evaluate biblical fatherhood
Through all of the years in my life thus far, I feel very privileged to have some fantastic personal examples of faithful and caring men.
Men in my life who, in some examples, are tough and “rough around the edges” have shown me a good balance of hands of steel, focused and strong-willed mind, but heart tender for the Lord. As well as those who still know and follow the Lord faithfully, and with being explanatory and guiding others as their specialty.
My grandfather, Mario, has been an example of this for me, and in one of my latest visits with him in Windsor, Ontario. he said words to me that I will never forget.
A very special visit
I moved to Chatham with my wife and son at the very end of October 2023, and we have been so far enjoying having some extended family close by. Of course, there is the regular busyness of work, primary home life, tasks, chores, plans, etc., that certainly occur.
But on Saturday, November 25, 2023, we felt led to make this a day of prioritizing a visit with my maternal grandparents in Windsor.
Before moving down to the area, when we would make a trip down to the Windsor area to visit extended family, we stayed with my grandparents in their home for those nights and mini-vacationed down, as they were always hospitable to us.
These visits made for so much bonding time, reflecting and discussing pleasant memories, and overall meaningful conversations about many aspects of life in general. Such great memories to take with me/us ever since. It was especially special back when Samantha and I were dating and made a visit down, and they could see and sense that we were made to be married to each other and have given us such wonderful advice and fun discussions on this.
On our visit last November, we simply came to visit and spend some quality time with them. It is always a bonus when they make us their specialty, yummy cappuccinos to enjoy! That is something that is very much a grandma and grandpa’s house sort of thing.
Our visit became fun conversations, a nice lunch (there is nothing like Grandma Tita’s authentic Mexican cooking!), and even some shopping time with Grandma at a few errands, time at the outlet mall, and Costco (it was my bright idea to go there on Black Friday weekend… ugh! So busy and crowded!). I loved being able to take Grandma out, as they do not have a vehicle any longer and my grandfather has much difficulty with walking these days (from a lifetime of strenuous work in the Ford Motor Company plant). All in all, we enjoyed this day and all that it brought together.
As a nice day that is well spent carries on, eventually, it comes to an end, and we have to say our goodbyes and give our best wishes to each other until next time. We hugged my grandmother at the door, and she gave her great-grandbaby (my son, Ezra) a kiss and, of course, a big grandparent squeeze of a hug.
We were then making our way around the corner of the front foyer, but with me going first as Sam was still talking with Grandma and now had Ezra in her arms, ready to buckle him into his car seat. With my shoes now on, I had to make my way around this corner back to the beginning of the living room because, in his armchair, my grandfather was still seated due to his difficulty with getting up and down because of the health of his legs now.
I walked over to him for our handshake that he always did with my siblings, cousins, and me as kids and to say goodbye. This, for us, was our seal as grandkids of Mario Chacon and is something that we instinctually know when we are in his presence.
Making sure that he stayed seated, I leaned over to embrace him in a hug, conscientiously cherishing every moment that I got to speak with my grandfather and to hold him and be someone who can now help care for a man who has given his life caring for his family and my mother. There, I held closely a man who was my example and who is always a cherished child of our Lord; and there, I held a heart of courageous love that, even though his body is worn and aged, nonetheless possesses a spirit of willingness to care for his loved ones with wisdom.
Beautiful words of wisdom
After this embrace, I looked into his experienced, grateful eyes and he spoke words of wisdom into my heart. He said to me in a thick Mexican accent that was somewhat “Spanglish”:
“Trentie, take care of your family. Your wife and son are a blessing to you. But remember, if you’re not well neither will your family be. I love you and remember that you are the man and the example of your family. You are a good man, hijo [Spanish for “son”] and take care of yourself for your family.”
To me, those words branded my mind like a hot iron rod pierced my heart like an arrow with a broadhead and blessed my soul immensely.
In my thoughts and also after a few seconds of pondering, all I could seem to say was:
“Thank you, Grandpa. I love you too and thank you for helping me. I love my family and I promise I will take care of them.”
He smiled and gave a one-motion nod, as he usually does when affection and his advice are known to be received.
The thing is, I have known these words and have been told this before in various contexts.
At times when I needed encouragement and uplift, and on the same token — rebuke, my mother would tell me this throughout my childhood and teens for when I would someday have a family. It was certainly impactful then. It's funny that this same message comes from the mouth of her father, too!
And as memorable as all other examples have been to me, there is something that is psychologically impactful about it coming from a man example in my life where this moment should not just be taken for granted because life is fragile and he can be called home to the Lord in a moment’s notice.
Also, there have been contexts of public teachings, sermons, seminars, etc., where I do recall other paraphrases of this point when topics of family and parenthood have been brought up — children are influenced and learn from the well-being, or on the contrary, the lack thereof, of their parents.
Men — You are the spiritual leaders of your families
“He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.” (1 Timothy 3:4, NIV) — Qualifications for church overseers context; applicable to all fathers.
“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8, NIV)
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, ESV)
As convicting and poignant as these verses are, they are also quite liberating.
Liberating, in the sense that while it takes effort on our ends to walk in obedience to God by the Grace through Christ and the prompting of the Holy Spirit, we as men ought to know that we have a trustworthy and empirical standard to hold to in the Holy scriptures.
I remember having conversations with people who were married, in committed relationships, and/or with responsibilities of masculine leadership to feel like:
- “I don’t feel like fit the bill.”
- “I’m misunderstood, and they all just must be better off without me in the picture.”
- “We as men are only loved and ‘cared about’ if we provide something or sustain our women and families financially.”
- “I’m not proud of who I am. This certainly isn’t how I wanted my life to look like.”
Would it not put all of these misconceptions and feelings to bed to know that we have an everlasting and adored identity in Christ and that we can cling to His Wisdom of masculinity and leadership?
Isn’t it great to know that we have examples of fatherhood and masculine leadership here in the Bible as a whole (not merely just in the verses highlighted above)?
Admit to yourselves when you need encouragement and uplift in your heart.
Men — You can be impactful. But you must first allow your hearts to be impacted as such.
