September 2024 Word Prompt
What Does Taking Refuge In God Really Mean?
Koinonia Prompt #23: Refuge
I grew up in church, and I was used to hearing that God is our refuge and strength. I was used to the typical response to someone’s troubles being “take refuge in God” or “God is your strength.”
We sang songs about it. Older songs like “Shout to The Lord,” “I Will Run to You,” and “You Are My Hiding Place” were commonly sung at church.
But what did all of that really mean?
No one talked about it practically. They just said to pray when someone was struggling and to seek refuge. But how? Is that it? Am I supposed to know? I never wanted to ask because everyone else seemed so sure. I didn’t want to be the incompetent or doubtful one.
As I grew older, I experienced a lot of spiritual warfare due to a family member who got involved in witchcraft. I saw demons and had other spiritual experiences I thought were only made up for horror films. My Southern Baptist young mind didn’t know how to process or compartmentalize this.
When I finally began talking about it in an attempt to gauge how normal or not normal this was, I was told the same things.
“Just take refuge in God, and you won’t be afraid anymore.”
People told me that God would fight my battles for me, that I had power and authority in Jesus’ name, and that if I rested in God, everything would be OK. And, of course, I was told to pray.
So, at night, when I felt fear and tormented by demonic attacks, I would tell myself to take refuge in God and would pray, hoping my prayers would ward off the demons. But that didn’t always work.
So, what was the problem? Was it me? Was I doing it wrong? Was God listening? Was this a punishment? Are there conditions I don’t know about? I had no idea.
As time went on, I got into an abusive relationship that led to a series of abusive relationships. In all of those relationships and situations, I couldn’t understand why God was letting this happen to me.
“There’s got to be something I am missing!” I would tell myself.
Surely, there was a secret key to successfully finding that safe place of refuge in God where bad things wouldn’t happen to me anymore. Or maybe God had expectations that I was not meeting. Or I wasn’t doing something I was supposed to, and this was my punishment.
Do you see the shame spiral? Can you see the spiritual attack from the devil? And can you tell this caused an ever-growing distance between God and me?
But then, one day, I realized something. It took meeting my husband in my thirties to figure it out.
When I first met my husband, one of the first things I noticed was that I felt safe. I could feel it in my body that I was relaxed, not on guard as usual, and calm.
As our relationship developed and I learned his character, I felt more confident in his presence. I felt that anything could happen when I was with him, and he would protect me. As I learned his patterns and behaviors, what motivated him and drove him, and how he responded to confrontation, I felt more confident and calm in the safe space my husband created.
And when we experienced difficulties, I realized that I didn’t respond with the usual anxiety or fear-based reactions I used to. I didn’t have to because I was confident in who I was attached to. I knew that it would be okay and we would make it.
Why, then, did I not have that with God?
Although I knew much about God and could quote scripture better than most people around me, I didn’t know God’s heart or character, and I didn’t trust Him.
And as I continued to investigate this with God, I asked Him to show me where He had been in some areas. God was kind and gracious enough to take me back through some memories and show me where He did show up. He was there, and He was fighting battles for me.
It wasn’t that I was doing it all wrong, that I was being punished, or that God wasn’t responding to me. It wasn’t that God didn’t show up when I called on Him. The problem was that I didn’t trust Him. I wouldn’t let go of my fear and anxiety, and I think the devil was fully aware of that and preyed upon it.
I told God that I wanted to know Him better. I wanted Him to show me His heart. And from there, I began my journey of really getting to know God for the first time.
Since then, I can confidently say that I have the trust in God now that I have with my husband. And many of the demonic encounters I used to have are long gone. But when those things occur, I am unafraid because I know who will protect me. I have to wonder if some of the demonic encounters stopped because I simply stopped being afraid — breaking the whole point of tormenting me.
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1 NIV)
I wholeheartedly believe this verse now.
