When a Man Loves a Woman
Insights from 1 Samuel 1 & 2—"Elkanah & Hannah”
Michael Bolton’s iconic song “When a Man Loves a Woman,” speaks to the unwavering passion and dedication a man has towards the woman he loves. The song highlights that a man will do all he can to make his woman happy, sometimes to his detriment or to others.
The scriptures, however, define love as.
Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4–7, NIV)
While studying the book of Samuel, I came across a man who balances both definitions of love in his marriage. He was passionate about his wife—yet in a Godly way. His name is Elkanah. The scripture accounts that though Elkanah had two wives, Peninnah and Hannah, he loved Hannah differently, despite her barrenness.
This article will focus on the relationship between Elkanah and Hannah, exploring six ways Elkanah sets an example of how a man can love his wife.
a) Elkanah served God and led his wife (Hannah) and family to do the same
‘Each year Elkanah would travel to Shiloh to worship and sacrifice to the Lord of Heaven’s Armies at the Tabernacle. The priests of the Lord at that time were the two sons of Eli — Hophni and Phinehas. (1 Sam 1:3, AMP)
‘The next year Elkanah and his family went on their annual trip to offer a sacrifice to the Lord and to keep his vow. (1 Sam 1:21, AMP)
The best way a man can show a woman he loves her is by pointing her to the real source of love—God. Like Elkanah, who leads his family constantly to worship God, a man should lead first in his service to God while encouraging his wife to do likewise. No man should leave his family behind when it relates to the things of God.
b) He loved Hannah with intentional care.
When the day came that Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions [of the sacrificial meat] to Peninnah his wife, and all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah, he would give a double portion because he loved Hannah, but the Lord had given her no children (1 Sam 1:4–5, AMP)
Elkanah was quite sensitive to Hannah’s condition. He knew that it was easy for her to feel sad or depressed because she bore no child. So, while he shared the yearly sacrificial meat, he ensured that Hannah got a share that was as good as that given to Peninnah, who bore sons and daughters.
While it is good for a man to treat others around him well (parents, siblings, friends, etc), his wife should get the best he can give. A man should show love to his wife by understanding her weaknesses or inadequacies and stand in the gap to augment.
c) Elkanah lifted Hannah up with words of faith.
I see some men yell at their wives. Sometimes, this is done to ascertain authority. In other cases, it is done out of goodwill. A loving husband should be able to balance tenderness with assertiveness, charging the right course for his family without necessarily raising his voice. When Peninnah mocked Hannah for not having a child, she became distressed, cried, and refused to eat. Elkanah successfully consoles his wife until she is motivated enough to eat and drink. Afterward, she proceeded to the temple to pray, and it was recalled that she conceived during this period.
A man should be able to admonish his wife to take positive actions and not otherwise.
Then Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you cry and why do you not eat? Why are you so sad and discontent? Am I not better to you than ten sons?” So, Hannah got up after eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his seat beside the doorpost of the temple (tabernacle) of the Lord. (1 Sam 1:8, NIV)
d) He attends to her sexual needs.
The Bible did not recall how long Elkanah and Hannah had been married before they had their first child. But it was long enough for Hannah to be worried about not having a child. In Bible days, the women who were declared barren waited for an extended period (i.e., Sarah, Rebecca). So, this could have been the same for Hannah. Yet, Elkanah continued to be intimate with his wife.
The family got up early the next morning, worshiped before the Lord, and returned to their home in Ramah. Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. It came about in due time, after Hannah had conceived, that she gave birth to a son; she named him Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked for him from the Lord.” (1 Sam 1:19–20,AMP)
e) He supports her calling/ assignment.
While Hannah was desperate to have a child, she committed to giving up her child to God’s service if he (God) gave her one. Elkanah was not physically present when Hannah made this commitment, and neither did the Bible account that she sought his opinion to do this. It was a commitment she made in the place of prayer. Yet, Elkanah respected her opinion and supported her in fulfilling her promise to God.
A man would show his wife love by allowing her to be what God has called her. He will do this by making it easy for her to flourish in her place of calling. He would not avert, frustrate, or derail her from her purpose. Rather, he would need to stand in the gap to support her when necessary.
Then the man Elkanah and all his household went up to offer to the Lord the yearly sacrifice and pay his vow. But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, “I will not go up until the child is weaned; and then I will bring him, so that he may appear before the Lord and remain there as long as he lives.” Elkanah her husband said to her, “Do what seems best to you. Wait until you have weaned him; only may the Lord establish and confirm His word.” So, the woman remained [behind] and nursed her son until she weaned him. (1 Samuel 1:21–23, AMP)
f) Elkanah and Hannah grew old together, living in the same home.
The scripture accounts instances when Elkanah will return home with his family. Wherever they went, their home was their base.
It is quite confusing in our modern world when a man finds it easy to live apart from his wife for an indefinite period, with no firm decision about reuniting with her and the family.
Because Elkanah and his wife lived closely together, their love grew, and they were blessed with more children.
Then Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife and say, “May the Lord give you children by this woman in place of the one she asked for which was dedicated to the Lord.” Then they would return to their own home. And [the time came when] the Lord visited Hannah, so that she conceived and gave birth to three sons and two daughters. And the boy Samuel grew before the Lord. (1 Sam 2:20–21, AMP)
