Healthy Responsible Closure Without Loose Ends
How to end a commitment or stage of life well
“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~ Lao Tzu
Our temper can walk all over our characters. You may know what it’s like to have “had enough” and stormed out. Whether it is a romantic relationship, a family arrangement, a job, or a friend living with you for a while, you might know what it is like to end things badly.
Painful endings should lead you to explore how to end things well because some things do come to an end.
Processing the pain
If we part ways amicably, we generally have a good chance to start processing the pain while going through the end of a phase. Walking out the door and damning your commitments is a quick fix that does not help you to process your issues. Unresolved issues mean you’re likely to experience a repeat of similar situations. Whilst anger makes us feel like we have dealt with things unless we can sit quietly and face the underlying pain, we are still hiding from our core problems. When we feel like we could explode in a temper, it is important to start reflecting internally to process our feelings. If we can try to find our underlying fears this will help us to resolve things at the core.
It is best to be understanding and forgiving towards yourself and others. Accepting that we all have flaws helps us steer away from negative extremes such as guilt, shame, or blame. It takes patience and responsibility to end things properly. It is better to honestly express what we’d like and to see how we can work together toward this new course of action.
When we can act with love, then disappointment will be somewhat reduced, and conflict may be avoided.
Handle people with care and finish well to absorb your lesson
You need to consider your commitments and who will be impacted by you ending an arrangement. You need to ask yourself how you can change the course of your future without disrupting or hurting others on the way. If you are careful, you could avoid causing more pain than is inevitable.
We are entitled to change our minds, and sometimes we do. But when we do, we need to handle others with care. Now some will ask, “Why waste another moment if you’re done with that relationship?” Even if a relationship is over, sensitivity tells us not to walk away with maximum impact from the conflict. And, time spent resolving an issue is time well spent, not wasted. It takes character to care when you do not have a shared future. But being kind and spiritual is not about gain. Nevertheless, there is something to gain. A good character is its own reward.
Finish experiences off well to absorb the lesson well. This way you move on with the lesson, as a stronger version of you.
Recovery and respecting each person’s experience
Ending things respectfully allows people to recover and heal from disappointments. Whilst ending things badly may deepen existing wounds.
Being true to yourself while also honoring the other person’s experience is important. We should be careful not to use our beliefs to bulldoze through someone else’s reality. We need to recognize that others are complex individuals going through their journeys. It is unlikely that they are out to hurt us. It is more likely that we ended up here for a reason, and to learn a lesson on this journey together. This can be difficult to accept when someone has wronged you, but it is wise to reflect on the lesson instead.
Closure
An end to a relationship or an arrangement will involve a process of closure. How you contribute to this process will contribute to the feelings you leave people with. For example, you may need to support the other person’s arrangements to move out of a shared space. Your availability on a moving day is a physical show of respect. If it’s work, it may require extra effort in preparing great handover documents to close things off respectfully.
The respect you show when ending things is important to your well-being too. Carrying out firm decisions, and facilitating change with love can give us the self-confidence to make changes and decisions in our lives. It can make us see that we are capable of changing our situations and creating the lives we want, without compromising our integrity or the well-being of others.
If you have struggled with ending things well then here’s an idea that may help. It will be good to practice healthy endings with small things in life to make us more mindful. When we are faced with difficult situations, people often display heightened emotions and react badly. At these times it is easy to lose control. But if we practice mindfulness in the little things in life, then we will be prepared for all things in life.
Look for clues in the environment that symbolize your core issues. For example, attachment issues lead some people to accumulate things, out of a fear of letting go. Practice endings by taking action on any signs of unfinished business in your home or office environment.
Take action to repurpose, recycle, or otherwise dispose of things you don’t need anymore in a loving manner. This may mean donating things to someone who needs it. We need to use the little things in life to train our minds to be aware during moments of decision. Then we will have more awareness in the moment, and not act solely from our emotions. We’re not downplaying emotions, but emotions need to work with reason, especially in times of change or conflict.
Although no one likes endings much, we need to accept that it is part of life. It is healthier to honestly end an arrangement than to stick with it resentfully. If you need to end anything in your life, we wish you the healthiest end possible.
