Building Self-Confidence and Effective Communication

Mastering the Art of Open-Ended Questions

Written by Dr. Amy Lim

An important reason why people with high self-confidence are able to successfully achieve their goals is that others can perceive their self-confidence and also hold that quality in high regard.

To this end, we have outlined some strategies that can enhance how confidently you appear in your conversations when meeting others.

The Process

There’s no need to go in blind. Prepare by knowing yourself before that first date.

1. Think about 5 non-physical traits you possess!

• Knowing what non-physical traits you have beforehand makes it easier for you to allow these traits to shine through during the date.

2. Think about 5 topics you enjoy discussing!

• Why? Well, talking about topics that you enjoy makes the conversation flow more naturally and easily. You already enjoy discussing these things, so you won’t need to come up with things to say on the fly — the knowledge is already there, so make good use of it by steering the conversation towards these topics.

Questions, Questions, Questions

We’ve all been in a scenario before where the conversation seems to be dying and no matter how hard we try, it doesn’t pick up. Thankfully, there are some skills you can develop to ensure your conversations never devolve into those dreaded awkward silences.

1. Avoid Yes or No questions

• These are natural conversation killers. They leave no room for elaboration. A straightforward question is not always the best option!

2. Ask open-ended questions

• These types of questions allow the person sitting across from you to elaborate, to expand upon their initial answer. It’s not a binary option anymore — now they can elaborate more, thus revealing more about themselves.

Here’s an example — you ask someone if they like to travel, they say yes and that is the end of that line of questioning. But if you ask them where they like to travel to the most, suddenly, the range of answers expands from a simple yes or no to countless possibilities!

How to Craft Open-Ended Questions

Here are some things to consider when trying to craft your own open-ended questions:

Assume familiarity with the person

• Stop thinking of the person sitting across from you as a stranger. Think of them more like a kindred spirit, experiencing the date just like you. Get comfortable and try to relax.

2. The Goal is to Learn

• The whole point of a date is to learn, right? The conversation is a medium for this learning process and you need to make full use of it. Use the conversation to learn more about the person across from you.

Think about the hobbies the other person may have — for example, engaging in adrenaline-filled activities. Consider how, if they have this preference, there would be certain indications. Then craft your questions based on that.

3. Always take the Indirect Route

• The final step in crafting your open-ended questions is to take the indirect route.

What does that mean? Instead of being extremely direct and asking them “Do you like adrenaline-filled activities?”, craft a question that allows for an indirect confirmation of the trait you’re seeking. Ask them, “What kind of activities do you enjoy doing?” or “What kind of experiences do you seek?” — this enables you to indirectly confirm whether they are adventurous or not.

Now, if the other person has mentioned that they are sporty individuals, what are some open-ended questions you can ask?

References:
Social Confidence Paper (https://ink.library.smu.edu.sg/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=4485&context=soss_research)

At Kopi Date, we believe in the transformative power of authentic connections and meaningful relationships. By offering meticulously crafted date experiences, we aim to create a space where singles can explore their individuality, embrace their authenticity, and cultivate their personal evolution.

We are not just setting up dates; we are shaping a culture that celebrates self-worth, personal growth, and genuine connections. Our commitment is to empower you to navigate your dating journey with confidence, joy, and a sense of fulfilment.

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