Social Confidence — Why we are attracted to it
We all find confidence in a potential partner highly attractive, and there’s good reason for it. It’s a genuine signal of a person’s capabilities, showing that they can handle social situations well and take care of themselves and their loved ones. Understanding the importance of confidence in relationships sheds light on why it plays such a crucial role in finding and keeping love.
Confidence is about how a person sees themselves and their ability to succeed in social situations, particularly when they’re being evaluated. It’s the ease and comfort they exude when handling such interactions. Numerous studies have shown that confidence is highly valued when it comes to selecting a romantic partner, especially by women. When someone exudes confidence, they’re seen as more attractive and appealing to others. By projecting confidence, individuals exhibit qualities that are highly sought after in the context of romance.
Recent research by Li et al., (2020) has delved deeper into this dynamic, specifically focusing on the trainability of confidence. The results have been fascinating — confidence can actually be improved through training and tutorials. This means that individuals can enhance their confidence and become more appealing to potential romantic partners.
What It Means for Building Strong Romantic Relationships:
Building confidence involves developing self-assurance, improving social skills, and embracing your true self. When you feel confident in your ability to handle social situations, you’re more likely to engage in meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
Developing confidence takes practice and self-reflection. It involves recognizing and capitalizing on your strengths while challenging and overcoming self-doubt. Seeking opportunities for personal growth, such as participating in social activities or engaging in communication exercises, can significantly boost your confidence and enhance the development of your relationships.
To this end, we have adopted some advice from Dating Coach, Dr David Tian, that can facilitate how confident you’d appear in your conversations when meeting others.
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The Process
There is no need to go in blind. Being prepared in knowing yourself before that first date.
1. Think about 5 non-physical traits of yourself!
Knowing what non-physical traits, you have beforehand makes it easier for you to allow these traits to shine through during the course of the date.
2. Think about 5 topics you enjoy talking about!
Why? Well, obviously with topics that you enjoy talking about makes the conversation flow much more naturally and easier. You already enjoy talking about these things, so you will not have to be coming up with things to say on the fly — the knowledge is already stored there, so make good use of it by steering the conversation towards these topics.
Questions, Questions, Questions
We have all been in a scenario before where the conversation feels like it is dying and no matter how hard we try; it does not pick up. Well, thankfully, there are some skills you can develop to ensure your conversations never have to devolve into those dreaded awkward silences.
1. Never ask Yes or No questions
These are a natural conversation killer. It leaves no room for elaboration. A straightforward question is not always the best option!
2. Ask open-ended questions
These types of questions allow the person sat across from you to elaborate, to expand upon their initial answer. It is not a binary option anymore — now they can elaborate more, thus opening up about themselves in the process.
Here’s an example — you ask someone if they like to travel, they say yes and that is end of that line of questioning. Now imagine you ask them where they like to travel to the most — suddenly, the plethora of answers explodes from a mere yes or no to untold possibilities!
How to Craft Open-Ended Questions
Here are some things to take into consideration when trying to craft your own version of an open-ended question!
1. Assume familiarity with the person
Stop thinking of the person sat across of you as a stranger. Think of them as more like kindred spirits, experiencing the date at the same time just like you. Get comfortable and try to relax yourself.
2. The Goal is to Learn
The whole point of a date is to learn, right? The conversation is a medium for this learning process and you need to make full use of it. Use the conversation to learn more about the person across from you.
Think about the hobbies the other person may have — for example, engaging in adrenaline-filled activities. Think about how, if they have this preference, what sort of evidence would there be? Then craft your questions based on that.
3. Always take the Indirect Route
The final step in crafting your own open-ended questions is to take the indirect route.
What does that mean? It means instead of asking being extremely direct and asking them “Do you like adrenaline-filled activities?” you craft a question that allows an indirect confirmation for the trait you are seeking. You ask them, “What kind of activities do you enjoy doing? or What kind of experiences do you seek?” — thus allowing you to take the indirect route of confirming whether they are creative or not.
Now, if they other person has mentioned that they are sporty individuals, what are some open-ended questions you can ask?
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References:
Li, N. P., Yong, J. C., Tsai, M. H., Lai, M. H., Lim, A. J., & Ackerman, J. M. (2020). Confidence is sexy and it can be trained: Examining male social confidence in initial, opposite‐sex interactions. Journal of Personality, 88(6), 1235–1251.
