Want to find out how attraction works?
There are 3 psychological phenomena that have the most influence on who we are attracted to. These are: similarity, proximity and partner selection.
Similarity: opposites don’t attract
One leading theory is active assortment, where people prefer partners whose personalities, education and intelligence resemble their own. The majority of relationship research has focused on the level of trait similarity between people, explicating that the more alike a couple is in terms of attitudes and beliefs, the higher their relationship satisfaction. This also extends to demographic characteristics and levels of physical attractiveness.
One of the reasons why similarity may influence attraction is that it provides a source of validation of our own attitudes, which links to the reciprocity premise: there is a greater chance that someone similar to you will like you back. We also like things that are familiar and predictable, as the time spent together in a relationship is smoother and more rewarding.
Proximity: familiarity increases liking
The proximity effect, or the mere exposure effect, refers to people’s tendency to prefer novel stimuli more upon repeated encounters. People become more fond of each other when the social situation brings them into contact more often. For example, students who sit next to each other in class are more likely to become friends.
There is an evolutionary explanation behind this phenomenon. We have an initial protective fear of the unknown, but as things start to become more familiar, they produce positive emotions and seem safer. When the stimuli are people, those familiar are more likely to be seen as part of the ingroup.
However, the increased use of dating apps has skewed this phenomenon through “choice overload’. Having multiple partners to choose from can alter our perception of who would be a good match in real life — “with more choice, we’re more likely to prioritise different qualities than when conducting separate evaluations of potential partners, and such attributes could be irrelevant to those that would make you happy once a relationship moves offline” (https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/2012_FinkelEastwickKarneyReisSprecher_PSPI.pdf).
Partner Selection: related to the resources we have
Females and males have vastly different strategies when it comes to selecting a partner, and the reason is rooted in evolutionary psychology. “Mate selection” occurs universally in all human cultures, and since males can father a countless number of children, they favour signs of fertility and those who will be sexually faithful. In contrast, females favour a more selective strategy given the time investment and the limited number of children she can have. She looks at their character and their financial stability.
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