In a moment of rage and weakness in 1968 suburbia, Kevin Arnold, age 12, who was embarrassed by his older brother in front of the other kids (they laughed), in front of Winnie who wore pink fish nets and go go boots (she didn’t laugh), throw an apple into the cafeteria. He was called into the principal’s office. His parents were called.
In the meeting, the principal asked, “What’d you hope to achieve by throwing an apple into a cafeteria?”
Silence.
Her mother repeated the question.
“Nothing.”
And that’s exactly what he’d achieved. Nothing.
There are many things in life that I regret. Some of them recent. They are things that I did, like Kevin, in a moment of weakness. A few days later, or weeks, some even years later I look back at them and realize that I achieved nothing in doing them. I am not sure if this proves that hindsight is indeed 20/20, but it does say that realizations appear after days, or weeks, or months, or even years have passed. Always, it seems, that once I separate my emotions from my actions, things become clear. And often times these realizations come with regret, some big, others small.
And the saddest part of this reality is that I can’t go back through time and do things differently. And even if I could, there’s no guarantee that it will be any better than what I originally did. Of course, I could then go back in time again and do it differently again. I guess we wouldn’t be regretting things if we can do time travel. But as of this writing, we still can’t travel through time. I can’t travel through time. And so I’m stuck at looking back at the past with wonderment, with a smile, with sadness, shake of the head, nod of the head, surrender, acceptance. Then I tell myself I won’t commit the same mistakes again only to find out years later that I did commit the same mistake between the time I swore not to do it and the time I realized it. Regrets by its very essence is always about our past. After all, how can we regret something that hasn’t happened?
If only a knowing voice would question me before I do things in the spur of the moment (and not a minute after). If only I have that angel of realization sitting on my shoulder all the time. If only I can think clearly all the time.
“What do you hope to achieve by throwing an apple into a cafeteria?”
Nothing.
P.S. That scene I described in the beginning is from the pilot episode of The Wonder Years, a tv series from the 80's.
P.P.S. “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”
“So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” (quoted from the movie, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)
