‘I Hope People Will Stop Looking Away’
An interview with Kim van Kooten and Pauline Barendregt
Kim van Kooten’s first novel Dearest is about her childhood friend , Pauline Barendregt. ‘There are no towels around, so Uncle Mister uses his hands to rub her dry.’
By Jessica van Geel/NRC Handelsblad
It is Puck’s birthday. She has turned five and she is waiting with her mother for a black shiny car. They are standing on the sidewalk in a poor neighborhood in Rotterdam. Next to them are their suitcases. Her mother has responded to a personal ad: ‘Gentleman (not impecunious) looking for domestic assistant.’ And now this gentleman is coming to pick them up. In Zwijndrecht, in the man’s stately villa, Puck is drowned in presents. Her mother, of limited mental capabilities, gets her magazines and a bottle of rosé a day. The man — whom she calls Uncle Mister and, later on, Dad — is a paedophile. Puck is abused from day one. Thus commences Dearest, Kim van Kooten’s debut novel, published last Friday.
Van Kooten, an actress we know from Zusje, Onder het hart, and Hollands hoop, is also the scriptwriter of Alles is liefde and Alles is familie, to name just a few movies. The abuse starts as soon as page 16 of Dearest, but if you’re expecting it to be a serious victim story, it’s not. Or rather, it is. But it’s also a very humorous book. It’s filled with horror and hilarity, an almost taboo combination. Kim van Kooten places the reader inside Puck’s head — from age 5 to 13 — and Puck is funny, occasionally even a riot. Furthermore, Van Kooten manages to describe the sexual abuse in a subtle way — sometimes in a single suggestion — thanks to her lovingly light style. Not to mention minor characters such as Granny Crooswijk with her gravelly smoker’s voice and her Rotterdam slang. All set against the backdrop of the eighties — though pretty uplifting in hindsight — with their mohair sweaters and sequins, monchichi-plushies, and the children’s TV show J.J. de Bom. The abuse often takes place in the bathroom. There are no towels around, so Uncle Mister uses his hands to rub Puck dry. ‘Hair washing is on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,’ Van Kooten writes. Later on, Puck’s mother is forced into taking two evening classes, folklore painting and salt-free cuisine. ‘That makes for four nights every week of Dad and me home alone. Plus an additional three hair washings a week. A total of seven nights a week exactly. Dad’s lucky number.’
‘Let’s be frank. This book is about me,’ Pauline Barendregt said during the book presentation last Monday. Barendregt is a friend of Kim’s — they met at their children’s school — and the Puck character is based on her life story. And this grown-up Puck, Barendregt, now runs her own agency helping fashion brands develop their design strategies after being head of design for G-Star for several years. Pauline Barendregt doesn’t hide from her past. Her picture is on the cover of the book, and she’s present during all the interviews with Kim van Kooten.
Why did you decide to take part in the publicity campaign?
Barendregt: ‘I didn’t want to be an anonymous source, hidden out of sight. As a child I was ashamed of it, but as an adult I’m not. I did not do anything wrong, I had just been dealt a bad hand. And I’m proud of everything I endeavoured to do in my life. Like this book.
You see, talking about it is a taboo. Even with friends I avoided the subject when they asked about my childhood. But that meant keeping it at a distance, though to many children it’s not distant. I think it’s good to talk about it.’
One night Van Kooten and Barendregt were sitting in the garden together. Van Kooten had just finished writing the script of Alles is familie and she was exhausted. Van Kooten: ‘“Wouldn’t you like to write something else, a novel for example?” Pauline asked. I did want to, but I didn’t have a story. “Well, I might have something for you,” she said.’ Van Kooten and Barendregt set up a ‘work meeting’ and Barendregt told her story. Van Kooten: ‘It was a bizarre agreement. We cried and laughed like crazy at that kitchen table. But Pauline told me right away I should decide if I could turn it into a novel. I asked for some time to think it over, but I already knew: this was a book.’
Over the last three and a half years, Van Kooten and Barendregt saw each other very regularly. And Barendregt emailed recollections, anecdotes, pictures, and music for Van Kooten to use as she saw fit. As soon as Van Kooten finished another section, she mailed it to Barendregt, preceded by a text message saying ‘You’ve got mail,’ so as not to startle her.
Why did you specifically want Kim van Kooten to write the story?
Barendregt: ‘I only thought of it after that evening in the garden. From the time I was seventeen, I had planned to write the story of my childhood, but I didn’t want it to be a sob story bound to end up on the shelf with the self-help books. I’m a designer, I wanted it to be a nice book. A book with humor in it, able to reach a large audience. I imagined Kim would be able to do all that.’
Van Kooten: ‘It’s turned into something very personal for me as well. Of course I plunged into Pauline’s soul, but I put a lot of myself into Puck, though I can’t exactly pinpoint it. It’s all so intertwined. I always put a bit of myself into every character — it’s the same when writing a script. When people like my work, I guess it’s for that reason: because I make it all personal. I take everything into account; minor characters I construct as if they’re main characters. But this novel was even more personal. A script is interpreted by a director, the actors, the art director; but this time it’s my words that are in bookstores.’
As an actress you immerse yourself in other people’s worlds, and it’s the same in this book. Why?
Van Kooten: ‘My own life doesn’t trigger me. Other people’s stories inspire me. I enjoy crying over a book or a movie, for instance, because it touches something deep inside. But you don’t have to analyze it — you’re busy watching that movie, after all. These are the nicest moments for crying. When a feeling gets very personal, it loses its charm. Th at is what I want to do: turn a private feeling into a shared one.’
On the cover it says, ‘After reading Dearest, you never want to leave Puck alone’ but in fact you don’t want to leave Puck alone while reading, and that’s why you read the book in one go. Because nobody else cares for her.
Barendregt: ‘For me, that was the main reason for creating this book. Knowing, as a reader, that things like this are happening here and now, that paedophiles don’t just exist abroad or hide in the bushes. Once, I calculated that in my own street — one of these busy Amsterdam streets — there must be two children going through something similar at this very moment. I hope that people, having read this book, won’t look away anymore when they suspect something is amiss.’
Van Kooten: ‘Therefore the familiar setting of the eighties is so important. Jerney Kaagman’s blue outfit, André van Duin’s jokes.But while you were dancing to Duran Duran, this was happening as well. Where were you?’ Nobody in this book takes action. And it takes frustratingly long before Puck dares to speak out.
Barendregt: ‘A child is not judgmental. He or she doesn’t have a frame of reference. She’s not angry with her mom for not interfering. She is not angry with the teacher who doesn’t acknowledge her signs. As a child you don’t even understand that Uncle Mister’s deeds are really wrong. His deeds may feel annoying, but clipping your nails is annoying too, and so is cleaning up your room. But there’s always this inner voice saying: this is inappropriate. But you quickly push that thought away.’
Van Kooten: ‘Abuse is very hard to detect, and it’s even more difficult to report. Therefore I can sort of understand the indifferent teacher and shop assistant. She too has a lousy husband at home, and a cat shitting all over the place, and a senile mother. Everybody is dealing with their own lives and there’s not much room for anything else.’
Barendregt: ‘And yet. I hope that after reading this book, a little window opens up in your mind. You realize it could happen. But this book has not been written out of spite. I don’t want to be a fear monger. And I also don’t want people throwing rocks through alleged paedophiles’ windows — that doesn’t help any child. Uncle Mister has died, and I haven’t been in touch with my mother for twenty years now, nor do I want to be. I’m happy with the life I have made for myself.’
