How To Find Your Tribe (In Life and Business)

Ever been at a party filled with people, yet you can’t shake off the feeling of loneliness? Like people don’t quite get you? Ever longed for a place where you don’t have to explain yourself?

Does this hit home for you? You are not alone. Finding your tribe is not easy — but it is possible. People like you do exist out there. But you need to be persistent, curious and brave to find them.

Can you recall being sucked into a conversation feeling alive, inspired and seen because the other person simply “just gets you”? It’s likely that you found someone who shares the same values as you. If you learn to attract more people who share the same values as you, you’re one step closer to finding your tribe.

Here’s the good thing: if you learn and understand these principles on a personal level, you can apply it to business as well. An organisation is like an organism, made up of individuals, and if you find a common ground on values, you can recruit, communicate and lead more effectively.

So how do you go about finding your tribe? Here’s one approach.

The Scientific Approach to Human Connection

Have you ever reflected on your own values? At your very core, what do you truly value the most in life? Are your actions reflecting those values? Are the decisions you make on a daily basis reflecting those values?

When you start investigating yourself, it is quite possible that there’s a disconnect between your values and your actions. If you don’t act in line with your values, how are you going to attract people who share the same values as you? And if your business isn’t operating in line with what you are saying, how will you ever attract the right customers and talents?

According to the relationship company Relate, who help people to build better and more authentic relationships, research shows that sharing common values is the number one factor behind long-lasting relationships. The same goes for friendships and even business partners: the more values you share, the more likely you are to connect and ‘get each other’.

So, it all starts with understanding yourself. You need to figure out what you value in life first, before you can attract and find others you truly connect with.

In an interview with Philip Jonzon Jarl, the founder of Relate, he explains human connection as a three-layer pyramid.

First, it starts with self-awareness — figuring out what you value in life at your deepest core.

Second, you need to start to live and act according to those values, also known as authenticity. This step is the hardest part. It requires you to prioritize differently, start doing things outside of your comfort zone and even do what you are most afraid of. Often, it is the fear of rejection or judgement that keeps us from staying true to ourselves. But if you aren’t true to yourself, how can you expect others to open up to you?

This leads us to the third and final step: vulnerability. If two people share and act in line with the same values, a sense of safe space is created. This creates room for spontaneous connection if people can dare to open up and be vulnerable in a safe space. This is how true human connection is created.

In business, this is what creates psychological safety for employees to dare to share their ideas and build business value bottom-up. According to Harvard Business Review, creating psychological safety is key to creating high-performing teams. It’s a win-win — not just for people, but for business, too.

Finding Your Values

This may sound easier than it actually is. You can reflect on values yourself, but it might be helpful to use some tools to guide you along the way. If you do reflect on values yourself, make sure to keep asking the question ‘why’ — not just once or twice, but maybe 4, 5 or even 6 times until you’ve peeled back all the layers and there’s nothing left but the true you. Just like an onion, there is only the inside layer left.

The conversation could go something like this:

– I love to travel

Why?

– Because I love to experience new cultures and meet new people

Why?

– Because I always learn something new when I do

And why is that interesting?

– Because I feel so alive when I spontaneously learn and grow from someone random

And why do you value that?

– Because personal growth is important to me

Get the point? The shallow aspect is that you “love to travel” but at the deep core, you value personal growth.

The same methodology applies to business. If you do the same exercise on your company’s mission, you can get to the deep core of what you are actually aiming to do for your customers and the world.

By finding that core value, you can nail your messaging, cut through the noise and speak in a language that immediately shows the customer the benefit of using your product or service. This is known as benefit segmentation. An example of this could be that instead of selling “sleep masks that block out all light” you actually sell “great sleep every night so that you can reach your full potential”. Someone who is suffering from sleep deprivation would definitely resonate with the second version.

Another approach is to do an actual values exercise. There exist multiple values exercises online or offline, where you get a ‘smörgåsbord’ of values and need to pick the ones that resonate the most. First, you pick all the ones you like, but in the next step, you are forced to choose your favourites. By being forced to narrow down the values that matter the most to you, you can see your values in black and white. In reality, you might choose to name it differently, but it is what they mean to you that matters.

You can also do these values exercises as a business. It is the set of values the individuals within the organisation share and live by that make up your company.

Take Action to Live Your Values and Attract Your Tribe

Think of a sailing boat about to leave Europe and head to the United States. In the beginning, it changes its course just a micro fraction — small enough to not be noticeable, but in the long run, it ends up in Brazil instead. The same goes for you. If you start making 1% progress every day, the compounded effect over time could make the difference between the life you want and continuing on the same old path. You can read more about this in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.

Do you value deep connections? Be the first to open up!

Do you value creativity? Join a creative crafts class to meet other creatives.

Do you value personal growth? Join a meditation course and see who you can meet.

Do you value authenticity? Try sharing an authentic story on Instagram next time and see what happens.

And so on — you get the point. Brainstorm what you can do to better live your values, and take action. Start small and grow from there. If you are afraid of heights, you don’t start by climbing Mount Everest. You start with gazing down towards the ground from your balcony. If you identify small improvements you can make every day to take action towards a more authentic you, you are one step closer to attracting like-minded people into your life.

And remember, self-improvement is important, but you also need to keep putting yourself out there. It is persistence that will provide real results over time. Sometimes you may wonder, “Why did I go to this meetup when I could have had a nice relaxing night in?” Think of it as dating — you need to kiss many frogs until you find your right match. But you don’t give up, because you want to find that person who is right for you.

You need to do the same thing to find your tribe. Keep putting yourself in contexts where you are likely to find people who share the same values as you. Why not make it a personal challenge and try one new thing every week? And once you find that one person who shares the same values as you, you are likely to find more people. Because you know what? Good people surround themselves with good people. And before you know it, you might get sucked into a community full of people who just get you.

When you do, all the hard work will eventually be worth it. Because you’ve finally found a place where you belong.

As a business, the same methodology applies if you want to attract a certain type of customers and employees. Identify what you can do as a business to live by your values, and act on it. The ‘word of mouth’ effect typically pays off.

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Interested in finding the engaged tribe for your company, or unlock the marketing power by starting with your inner core values first? We at KRAF-10 help companies to create iterative communication support, content pipelines and build communities to future-proof their businesses. Reach out and we’ll tailor our services for your own needs.