Dear Autism….

Dear Autism,

I hate you. I hate that today, when the world around him became overwhelming and he banged his head into the wall, I saw the pain in his eyes. I saw him hurting, yet his body compelled him to do it again.

I hate you because you are the cruelest of thieves. I hate that I sit and watch him work so hard. I watch him scratch and dig just to do small things. Things people do every single day without giving one thought. Things that come as natural as breathing in and out. And when he finally gets there, when we start to see the light, you strip it away like a cruel joke.

I hate you because you are invisable. You are a coward that refuses to show your face. I hate that you can hide from people creating false expectations that he can’t live up to.

It’s a totally dysfunctional realtionship that you and I share. I hate you tonight. I want you to just go away. I want to never hear your name again and I’d gladly call you a cab and pay a big tip! I want to burn all of my puzzle piece knick knacks and throw out my blue light bulbs. I want you to understand that we are finished! You aren’t welcome here anymore…

And like a crazy ex-girlfriend, tomorrow I will wake up as if nothing has happened. Call you and ask you to come back. Because I can’t help but love you. I’ll shout your name from the roof tops and beg everyone to love you too. I’ll explain how it’s not your fault and that if people would only be patient, they would see the beautiful parts of who you are. I’ll tell them how you have changed my life for the better. I’ll wish that they would let you change theirs too.

You see, I can’t help but defend you and love you because you are part of him. It’s impossible to look into his eyes, to hold his hand, to love him and not love every single part of him. I love him so much sometimes it’s literally hard to breath and every day I only love him more.

So, we will continue this battle… This crazy love, this dysfunctional relationship. I will fight for him when you are trying to pull him deeper into your grasp. Yet, I will celebrate you when I see the beautiful things that pour out of my boy and into this world around him because you are part of him….but don’t get the big head… He makes you great, not the other way around.

And as for tonight…loose my number… I’ll call you tomorrow ;)