I hear you…
This morning when you woke up, your puffy eyes and sleepy smile whispered “good morning”. It’s the same good morning that you have greeted me with since the very first morning that I saw that gorgeous face.
When I asked you what you dreamed about last night, your head resting on my shoulder as I helped you out of your PJ’s told me “It was a good one! If you’ll stay really still maybe I can go back to sleep and finish it!”
As you stumbeled into the the kitchen and your hands stretched up as high as they could pulling you up on the tips of your toes, it told me “I’m hungry mom! My favorite breakfast is on the top shelf! Could you get it for me?”
As I rushed out the door and you gave me a kiss and a hug, I could hear you echoing the whole drive to school.. “I love you mama!”
When I pick you up this afternoon and your arms wrap around my neck… “I missed you mama and I’m ready to go home and play!”
Everyday, I ask you what you did at school that day. Everyday, as I read about it, I think in my mind the way that you would describe it… “I wrote my name today!!! Making big E’s are hard, but I’m getting better!” “I packed my bag up all by myself today and I was the fastest one!” “Today we read my favorite book!” “I played with my best friend today and he can run really fast around the track like me!” Oh, how I crave your thoughts.
Tonight, as I fix your dinner, I’ll smile because you’ll always say “Pizza” when I ask what you want to eat. I waited so long to hear you tell me what you like to eat. Yesterday, you asked for an orange… “I want oranch” I still well up with tears with every word, every request, no matter how small. I’ve waited so long to hear you, but i’ve always “heard” you my sweet boy.
Tonight after Daddy gets you ready for bed and we tuck you in, I’ll talk to you about what a great sleep you are going to have and what a fun day you have to look forward to. I’ll remind you how much I love you. I’ll read you a story and you’ll listen and sometimes you will repeat some of the words…. It’s my favorite part of my day with you, because it’s just me and you. And when we finish you will say your prayer… God, Thank you for this day, Amen. In my heart, I echo your prayer. I’ll tell you how thankful I am for every day I get to spend with you. And you will look at me and grab my face and your sweet kiss will say “Good Night”.
Although your words are still few, I hear you. Your eyes, the way your body moves, how you take my hand, is a language we have mastered over the years. You have taught us to become fluent in loving and understanding you. And though I crave the details, the stories, your humor and personality… It is still so evident to those who know you. You are is perfectly imprinted in my heart, no words needed.
So continue to find your voice my beautiful boy, a voice that is yours! And no matter what that voice sounds or looks like, always know… I hear you, I always have, I always will.