I’ll change the world for you…This one is for you preschool mamas

When Eli’s first preschool program didn’t work out, I felt hopeless. I had gone to the extreme to make that situation possible for him and when it was no longer an option, I felt like that was my last hope. You see a typical preschool isn’t made for children with special needs. You walk into this room filled with sweet little babies all sitting and listening, lining up in rows, coloring their pictures, and gluing their wiggly eyes. For moms like me, that felt like the impossible dream. My baby runs with so much energy you sometimes can’t slow him down, sometimes even one word directives are to complicated, and coloring and gluing independently ends up in a meltdown, so sometimes you don’t even have the strength to try. Needless to say, I was at an all time low. The future didn’t look so great and I had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

So, when I was introduced to our new caseworker I probably came off a “tad” defensive. With Isaac, I always felt like I was in a battle, I had to show them that I couldn’t be pushed around because I was such a young mother and had heard horror stories of dealing with special education. I realize now that in that first phone call, I probably came off like a bear, yeah that is a better B word, but she promised… “I’ll take care of your baby.” I still wasn’t sure. But after a few visits, phone calls, and my husband encouraging me to “chill out”, I started to realize that we were in good hands and God had placed us right where we needed to be. Instead of people I had to “make sure were doing what my child needed”, they became our little bonus mamas… When Eli was having a hard day, they smiled at me. When Eli was having a great day, they rejoiced with me. When I needed to cry, they let me and wiped away a few tears too.

So, when she said it was time to try Preschool again, I knew that this time we could do it! And when she told me that we would first try to integrate into a “typical” classroom, I almost fainted! It was exciting, but I was scared! I believe in him, but I sometimes find it hard to believe in the rest of the world. Kids with special needs can be difficult, they take more time, they require an extreme amount of grace, and you don’t always receive the payoff that other children give. It’s hard. It’s hard for me and I gave birth to him. I would give my life for him right now. He is my entire world and there are days that I don’t want to do it. Why would someone else? Can you tell that I struggle a “little” bit with trust and letting go? But she encouraged me that he could do this. She promised that we would give it our best shot, she would do everything in her power to make this “his classroom” too, and that if it didn’t work here… It would work somewhere.

We planned to meet up at the school, introduce the kids to Eli and just let him get a feel for the room. I arrived, Eli in hand, scared to death. Everyone was so wonderful and welcoming as we walked through the door… my mind was a flurry… “Please don’t cry”…that’s for myself, “Please don’t wipe poop on anyone”…that’s for you know who, No, Eli! “Please don’t cry”… I cry a lot okay! As we walked in the room I could see all the kids sitting in a perfect little circle on the floor and listening to a story. The teacher spoke so softly and had such a sweet spirit. She looked directly at Eli and said hello. The kids were so excited, touching him on the arm, asking him questions…. It was all so sweet. One little boy asked if he spoke Spanish, they couldn’t understand why he wasn’t answering their questions or responding with his own. My heart was full, but being in a room like that always reminds me that we are different. I left feeling hopeful, but part of me just couldn’t see how it was going to work.

We woke up early on that first day and got ready to leave! Our sweet Mrs. D arrived loaded down with things for Eli… pictures, schedules, toys, sign cards… and then the rest of the bonus mamas arrived. All 3 therapists were there for Eli’s first day…. I cried all the way home, Happy Tears. They all worked so hard to make his first day a success! And it was :)

I got these pictures today….

This is no longer a “typical” classroom… This is Eli’s classroom!
It looks a little different, his friends have learned a lot about him, and as much as he learns from them… They are learning from him too! We are taking it one day at a time, everyone is working so hard to help him learn the ropes, and no matter what happens, I know without a doubt that everyone involved is doing everything possible to make Eli’s first year of preschool a success for everyone! I pray that Eli watches his friends and learns new skills, makes friends, and continues to grow! I pray that his sweet friends learn that God makes each of us different and that a hug and a smile is as powerful as a “Hello” and “I love you”. And I pray for his sweet teachers and therapists, I pray that God continues to give them this love and desire to see each child in their care reach their full potential. They give me a gift that I could never repay them for…. They are helping to build my child’s future!

My Dear Eli,
I wouldn’t change you for the world
But I will change the world for you.

Thank you for changing this little part of the world and allowing Eli the chance to be just the kid who goes to school and brings home a snowman with wiggly eyes.