Why I shouldn’t go to church

This morning as I woke up, as I stood in my shower praying (I do my best praying in the bathroom for some reason), asking for help again, feeling completely undone again, knowing that change is hard and scary and completely out of my hands again…. God just said… Stop. Just stop. You know, just one of those Be still and know that I am God moments. And though I really was in the mood for one of my all out pity party sessions instead I just stopped and put on my big girl face for the day. And while hiding in the bathroom for just few minutes more than necessary, I opened this book.

I was drawn in immediately as this, THIS, has been a seed that was planted in my heart many years ago, but only through truly experiencing it and learning through my children has that seed taken root. Deep root, the kind that digs into your soul, that’s the good fruit you want to offer to the broken, that’s the fruit that you longed to have offered to you.

This guy does not play around, he’s real. He says the stuff that nobody wants to say and that quite honestly, not many even think about. And as he laid out the facts that have burdened me for years now, I was taken back at how much I still didn’t realize. Just reading the words caused a physical reaction of grief.. my heart needed to be broken for more than just myself. And let me tell you, God knows just how to humble me.

Let me start by saying this…. I love God above ALL else! God is PERFECT love. I love His church and His people… I am one of them. We are not perfect, but we are the body of Christ! Each of us making up that body, each of us having a purpose, each of us needing the other.

I had to read this twice to really believe what I was seeing…90% of families with a special needs member (not just a child) are unchurched, that’s right here in the US. And by unchurched that means, does not visit, does not attend, is not a member of a church family. I knew it was alot, but to see it written out like that was painful. Why do you think that is? Really? Is it because they don’t want to attend or because they feel like they can’t attend? Have they been rejected, ignored, asked not to come back? That may sound crazy, but I know families who have told me that is their story. In a mission minded church, when does this become our new mission field? We see those willing to fly across the country and learn a different language to lead people to Christ which is AMAZING! Without those people, how many of our oversees brothers and sisters would be lost and without Christ? We see the fruits of that ministry as 100s and 1000s are becoming believers and planting churches. Lives are being changed! Yet my question is… how many people are willing to comfort a child during a meltdown or help a 12 year old who isn’t yet able to be potty trained, or learn to feed through a tube so that those parents can be shown Christ’s love in our own churches? Is it because that doesn’t look pretty on a t-shirt or make a great profile picture? Is it because we are scared? Is it because it makes us uncomfortable or because we don’t recognize the need? And how do we change it? Seriously, I’m asking!

Every Sunday, I sit in a church where I am loved, where Eli is loved, where I am able to worship without worry, where I can feast on the word of God and learn, where my husband and I can serve. And as I read that statistic this morning, I felt nauseated with myself and guilty. Why should I be able to go to church and receive love and encouragement and quite honestly, a break from myself to just focus on God when my brothers and sisters who are fighting battles worse than mine can’t? I shouldn’t. Should any of us warm a seat, soaking in God’s goodness, when we have the power to provide that seat to a mother or father who is hurting if only they had someone to care for their little one? How am I more deserving than them? I’m not.

Very few churches are equipped to minister to special needs children and their families, not because of finances, but because there just aren’t enough people who are willing. I won’t lie to you… It’s thankless, exhausting, frustrating, dirty, loud, sometimes just plain ugly ministry, but sometimes… sometimes even if just for a moment that child makes eye contact, or holds a crayon all by himself for the first time, or sits through an entire song, or drinks from a cup all by himself without spilling… and you get to witness a miracle. You get to share hope with a family that feels hopeless. And I promise that you will learn more than you will ever be able to teach.

So, I don’t know how it happens… and I know it doesn’t change over night, but we shouldn’t wait for it to be our daughter, our grandchild, our brother, our friend… before it starts to matter and I won’t waste this life that God has given me by not shedding light on it because sometimes people simply don’t know. And if you are one of these families who feel like you can’t come because who will take care of my child… You can have my seat, I will. And I’ll even let you sit next to my tall drink of water ;) I have to ask myself… How can I continue to feast when my brother and sister are hungry.

And to those who give every week so that I can receive…my hands are wet with tears right now as I type just thinking of each of your faces and smiles and hands holding his…and being excited over nothing when its everything… thank you. Without you, I would be part of that 90%… I’d have no other choice.

If you are looking for a way to serve and would like to learn more about how you can minister to special needs families within your church or community, please feel free to contact me any time. You will never offend me, no question is stupid, and I promise you that God can and will equip you to love these families if you are willing
We are the Body….