Worth 1,000 Words

They say a picture is worth a thousand words….

Today, was family picture day. The one day out of the year, where I (mom) get to dress everyone up to my liking, pose them perfectly in a serene forrest, and have them smile lovingly at one another so that it can be captured for eternity and mailed to 100 of our closest friends… Come on! I can dream!!!

Although I do get to play dress up with my family for a day and the forrest does look quite serene, we will never be the typical “say cheese” family. But one of the fun gifts of Autism, is that I will never have to worry about having the same “pose” twice and you never have to tell us to “act natural” or “just let loose”…. This is our “natural” and we are just doing our best to prevent the little one from getting “loose”!

So, as we arrived at the photoshoot, M&Ms in hand, I could feel that knot in my stomach and trying to play out each scenario in my head. Maybe, if we try doing his picture first then he can run around and be ready for round two for the family one… Maybe, if we sit him on a stool we can work quick before he figures out how to climb down…. Maybe if Daddy holds him, and I make him laugh we can get at least one… Maybe by next year this will be a little easier… wait, I think I thought that last year too.

Still, I gathered up my courage, my beautifully dressed family, and a mild sedative prescribed by my doctor for an afternoon of capturing memories.

Thankfully, our photographer for the day was not only talented, but she was also my friend. I’ve learned, over the years, that it’s best to either work with someone you know who is kind and patient and can shoot a photo at the speed of light or just get really good with PhotoShop and cut and paste our faces into a stock photo.

We started out smooth and easy, a little family photo all sitting on a blanket, no big whoop?!?! ………….Nope, suddenly, the fuzzy white blanket turned into molten lava and Eli could not sit on said blanket…. moving on…

Yes, the stool! The stool is high and he will sit nicely as we hold his hand and gather around him like he is Don Corleone, The Godfather, himself! ……….Nope, the stool caused his spine to immediately melt inside his tiny body oozing him down through the rungs and onto the ground.

Dad’s gonna hold him, it’s fine, Daddy’s got him. He loves Daddy. Daddy is funny and tall and he gets those crazy eyes that sometimes makes Eli stand still in a store from time to time! Come on, Dad… here we go! Everybody smile!!! Please, for all that is good, other people in this picture, keep smiling!!!!………..Nope, not today! Today, Daddy is a flesh eating virus and you have no problem plumiting to the ground to get away from those things.

Alright, time for the big show, the ace in the hole, the winning ticket…M&Ms, suckers, somebody get a bag of white refined sugar and a funnel STAT!!! This stuff is his KRYPTONITE….. Nope, “I’m unphased by your petty attempts at bribery you peasant”… In my mind I hear him saying this in an extremely irritated British accent.

Instead of loosing my sanity, ruining everyone else’s day, and scarring my friend for life…I bowed out gracefully and we continued taking individuals of my older children and groups of us with them. And for a brief moment, my mama heart felt sorry for myself. I just want one picture of him, is that to much to ask? For once, can’t something just be easy?

And because my husband is wise and my friend is sweet, they suggested a change of scenery and a few minutes just to breath. Walking over, she smiled… “I’ve got all the time you need.” And I felt a little less sorry for myself and a little more thankful instead. She didn’t give me pity or cast judgment, just understanding and patience. A balm to my soul.

We walked across the street to an empty lot and near the back there was a bit of woods with a big flat rock, perfect for sitting. I spread out our blanket to try and prepare for the next picture and as I sat down, he crawled in my lap, all 6 years old and 4 ft of him. He wrapped his arms around me and lay his head on my shoulder, and suddenly it wasn’t so hard.

We never got the “perfect picture” of just him, instead I got the picture that was “perfectly him”. I hate when I let the stress of what I want life to look like rob me of that. Still, everyday, he teaches me.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, yet this one doesn’t need a single one. You can’t describe that in words. That’s a real moment. That’s a feeling. That’s my life, my love, captured through a lens. That’s love without words.