You are the mama your kids need…

As I sat in the carpool line today… This popped up on my screen. A friend has posted it to her instagram and as I read it my eyes filled with tears, my heart started beating fast, and I sobbed with gratefullness at how my Savior continually lavishes me with encouragement and Love.

Once a day, if not 100 times a day, I wonder… Am I enough? Let’s face it, if you know me, it is no secret that I am flawed! As much as I love to dress up the outside and inside of my home, myself, and anything that will hold still long enough for me to put glitter on it… I am painfully aware of the mess that is me. I have lots of broken places that have never quite healed, I am impatient and needy, I start things I can never finish, I never know when to stop talking, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I come on too strong or I totally drop the ball, I’m fearful, I’m exhausted… I’m 1,000 other things.

And in a world where mother’s are measured by thier children and what they can accomplish… I am lacking…. I can’t compete. I will never be “that mother”… We will never be “that family”. I’m okay with that. I used to not be. However, as I have entered this new realm of Super Moms… “The Special Needs Mother”… I’m seeing that it’s not like it used to be. Before, if you had a child with special needs you almost got a “Free Pass”… “God love her, she’s so exhausted… You know her little one has Autism.” When my first child was small, I could literally walk out of the house with an entire waffle glued in my hair and get away with it! People were kind enough just to avoid you or smile politely and talk about you behind your back. Today, I find myself in a whole new world of hurt! Now, not only are you the mother of a child with special needs, you are also expected to “cure” him! And become a millionaire in order to provide your child with all of the latest therapies, diets, supplements, snake handlers… (I’m kidding, calm down)… Needless to say…the bar has been raised.

As a mother, you want to leave no stone unturned, you want to give your all! And I tried, believe me, to the point of forsaking every other member of my family and destroying my mental health in the process. Thankfully, I am blessed me with a husband who pulls me back down when I begin to float away. He’s not afraid to say “Stop!”…. Wait… the moto is “NEVER GIVE UP!”… No, “Stop being Nuts!” And no, I’m not calling other mother’s who can do it ALL, nuts. I’ve just had to be totally honest with myself… I can do my best, but I can’t do it all. At some point, I had to trust God to fill in the empty spots…. the parts I fail at, the parts we can’t afford, the parts that just aren’t part of His plan. It’s a beautiful plan, I just don’t always like it.

It’s easy to see other kids with Autism, doing more, progressing faster, and feel like I am not enough for Eli. Maybe if he had a family with more money, more resources, more knowledge, more patience.. He would be further along. I mean, I can’t spell believe (thanks Spell check) and Phillip pronounces Peptobismol “Peptobismo!” Also please refer to the above list… I’m not really all that “together”.

Yet, I open my Insta (when I probably should be reading another Autism book) and I see this… You are the Mama your kids need! And I am. God love them, I am.

They need to know that life isn’t always perfect….
They need to know that it’s okay to be broken….
They need to know that we can only do so much….
They need to know that sometimes prayers don’t get answered… because God’s plan is perfect.
We are given exactly what we need! Sorry kids, You get me ❤