The Art of Negotiation: 6 Big Techniques to Control Business & Life
What separates the winners from the losers?
What’s the difference between the rich and the poor?
What’s the difference between the happy and the sad?
Negotiation skills.
Ladies and gentlemen, life is negotiation.
Our life is built around our ability to communicate and negotiation is simply communication with results.
Learn how to get what you want.
Learn how to increase your conversion rates.
Exceptional negotiation skills can turn a poor man, into a rich man (or woman).
Take two people. Same skill level. The person who knows how to negotiate is going win and go further every time.
Negotiation is the difference maker and that’s why I’m so jacked to bring you these powerful lessons.
Buckle up because this is going to be a non-stop ride of fascinating tactics.
As I’ve been learning, your career, your finances, your reputation, your relationships, even your kids — at some point rely on your ability to negotiate.
Let’s begin.
6 Big Techniques to Control Business & Life
1) TACTICAL EMPATHY
Tactical Empathy is emotional intelligence on steroids.
It starts with understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you can increase your influence in all the moments that follow.
You can learn almost everything you need — and a lot more than other people would like you to know — simply by keeping your eyes peeled, ears open, and your mouth shut. The more you know about someone, the smarter you are.
By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing.
Negotiating does not mean browbeating or grinding someone down. It means playing the emotional game that humans love to play.
The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (financially, emotionally, or other) and get them feeling safe so a real conversation can begin.
When we vibe warmth and acceptance, conversations just seem to flow.
2) ELIMINATE THE WORD “I”
When you’re negotiating, the goal is to get what you want. The word “I” almost always has a negative impact on getting you closer to your desired outcome.
This is because the word “I” gets people’s guard up. When you say “I,” it says you’re more interested in yourself than the other person. It also makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow — and the offense they might cause.
Example:
Bad: I’m hearing that you …
Better: It sounds like you …
If they disagree, that’s okay. You can always step back and say, “I didn’t say that was what it was, I just said it sounds like that.”
3) CONFRONT EMOTIONS
When I say confront emotions, what I mean is point them out and get them on the table. This is called labeling.
Labeling is the short cut to building an emotional connection with someone.
Start by detecting the other person’s emotional state. Pay attention to the voice, facial expressions, eye contact, and body language.
In negotiation, this is when you spot their feelings, turn their feelings into words, and calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them. Once you’ve spotted an emotion you want to highlight it, so say it out loud.
It seems like … (point out negative emotion)
It sounds like …
It looks like …
Instead of addressing his angry behavior, acknowledge the real emotion behind the behavior.
Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgement.
This is also a colossal leadership principle. Detachment is the #1 quality of a great leader.
4) THE VOICE
The idea of “the voice” is something I learned from former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss in his book Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It.
The most powerful tool in any verbal communication is your voice. You can use your voice to reach into someone’s brain and flip an emotional switch.
There are three voice tones available to negotiators:
- The late night FM DJ voice — a calm, slow, clear, low tone voice.
- The positive/playful voice — encouraging, easygoing, smile while speaking.
- The direct or assertive voice — using this voice is like punching yourself in the face while you’re trying to make progress. Avoid using this voice.
Your default voice should be the positive/playful voice.
5) PLAY DUMB TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
Want to know one of the most potent negotiating tools? The open-ended question.
“Yes” is nothing without “How.”
While an agreement is nice, a contract is better, and a signed check is best.
In any negotiation, knowledge is power. You increase your power relative to the other side as you increase your knowledge about it. Use questions to probe for answers that will increase your information about the other side.
If someone makes a large demand from you. Ask:
“How can I make that happen?”
“How did you come up with those figures?”
None of these questions can be answered with a “yes” or “no” or with some finite fact. They require elaboration, which will give you more information.
“How” questions keep people engaged but off balance.
With enough of the right “How” questions you can read and shape the conversation so that you’ll eventually get to the answer you want to hear. You just have to have an idea of where you want the conversation to go when asking your questions.
6) PREPARATION
This is the most basic lesson behind getting your way in business and life but defintely still worth mentioning.
Prepare, prepare, prepare. When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your highest level of preparation.” — Chris Voss
You have to be the most prepared person in the negotiation. This doesn’t just go for a business deal but also for life. Always be planning, always be thinking, and always be preparing for the next moment.
Plan your weeks, plan your days, and become an outcome oriented person.
If you walk into every situation and conversation asking yourself first “What is the desired outcome I want here?”, you’re going to be an extremely effective person. I guarantee it.
A good negotiator prepares, going in, to be ready for the surprise he’s sure to find.
When you know the subject or topic more than the other side, you can make stronger decisions and create more room for yourself.
How do you become the smartest person in any room?
You look for emotions first. You need figure out what’s driving people.
Let’s say I find out what you’re passionate about — you’re fueled by healthy competition, feeling appreciated, improvement, and growing other people. Knowing all that, I can develop a powerful strategy to influence your decision making.
If you start to recognize people’s driving emotions, you will be the smartest person in any room.
With all this being said about negotiating to get your way, what happens when you don’t get your way?
If you feel you can’t say “No” than you’ve taken yourself hostage. No deal is better than a bad deal.
In order for you to become a world class person, you have to learn to listen and speak clearly; and treat people with respect.
Every negotiation, every conversation, every moment of life, is a series of small conflicts that, if managed well, can turn into beauty.
Now go out there and lead by example.
Kyle Nitchen — KYLENITCH.COM
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