Steak is always worth it.

My succulent steak awaited the only proper seasonings a steak should have. I took the black pepper grinder and covered it liberally. I took the salt grinder and covered it invisibly. I rattled the grinder. No noise. The mystery grew.

“I think the salt grinder’s empty,” my roommate said.

“Are you sure?” I shook it some more. My roommate was a real Canadian, which meant I couldn’t remember where they were from. Anybody could be one, so who could tell what they might find humorous? Even messing with a guy’s steak. I decided to test the waters. “I’d rather starve than fill up the salt.”

“Really?”

I just stared as I went for the saltbox. “No. It’s steak. Steak is always worth it.” I opened the cupboard, still wary of surprises, but it was only full of spice. I took the top off the grinder, poured the salt in, and put it back together. So far so good. I cranked it and cranked it until the top squeaked, but still no salt came out.

“What did you do to it?” I asked.

“I think I washed it a month ago. Maybe it’s too full?”

I retrieved a pointy stick from the utensils drawer. It was called a “chop” stick, even though it was more like a “stab” stick since it didn’t have a sharp edge. I took the top off again and prodded the crystals apart, jimmying the stick down the side as far as I could. The salt seemed a little more settled, if it changed at all. I cranked the grinder until the top tightened too much to move.

“Oh, no!” my roommate said. “Let me see that.”

“So you can undo the booby trap?”

They gave me a strange look as they took it apart. “I’m so sorry,” they said.

“For what? The trap didn’t even spring.” They were definitely a Canadian.

“Look,” they held up the top. “There’s a piece missing. It isn’t even spinning the grinder, just tightening the screw.”

“Great prank,” I acknowledged. “Can I have it back?”

They fidgeted with the pieces and smiled awkwardly. “I must have lost it when I was washing it. I’m sorry.”

Definitely, definitely a Canadian. Maybe I could trust them. “Why? I can find another way to salt my steak. ”

They twiddled their fingers together guiltily, “I’m sorry for ruining the gift your parents gave you?”

I had totally forgotten. “I won’t tell them if you don’t,” I shrugged.