Being married is hard.
It really is. But it’s also really easy. And if you’re not married, it’s not what you think it is at all. It’s everything you hoped it would be. Just not either of those things all the time.
It’s more than happy photos and “isn’t my husband/partner the best??” posts you see on Facebook. It IS the really quiet moments when you are lying together in bed. Or the really quiet moments when you are lying in bed alone. Alone or together — you can still be lonely or completely filled with love. You can count your lucky stars for that other person, or sometimes just be relieved they aren’t there.
It’s the morning when you wake up, roll over and think, “You are so beautiful and precious to me. I love you so much. My chest physically hurts from how much I love you.” It’s also the mornings when you wake up and think, “This is a nightmare. I can’t believe this is my life. And I chose it. I chose him/her. This is all my doing.”
It’s having sex for the hundredth time and it being more like something married people do. And then having it for 101 more times screaming in your mind “This feels soooo good! I want more of you. All day. Every day.”
It’s the split second when you look over at your husband or wife playing with your child and think there is nothing that will fill my heart more. It’s also the split second you hear them say the wrong thing to your kid and you think “Oh no, your are going to hurt our child in very real ways.”
We hold hands. We don’t touch for weeks. We withhold love. We love too much. We think too much. We don’t think at all. We’re selfish and giving at the same time. We wish we were a better partner. We wish for a better partner. We examine all of each others’ faults. And stand in judgement of each other. We show each other the most compassion we have ever shown any other human, including ourselves.
We wish, wish, wish. Hope, hope, hope. Pray, pray, pray — that it will all work out. And then on those shitty days we just wish for it to end all in a split second and be done.
Fast forward 10 years. Are we fighting about the same things still? Have you changed? Have I? What do our kids look like? Did we ever reach those dreams? Are we still married? Do I still long to smell your skin and reach across the bed to hold your hand? Feel your arm and think “God, I will miss this when I’m dead.”
Being married is hard. But it’s so very easy to love you.
