5 things I wish every pregnant woman knew

Today some of my big belly shoots got me thinking about my pregnancy. I thought about all the things that I learnt and all the ones I’ve already forgotten and will have to learn all over again when monkey #2 comes along.

But there are five things that I’ll never forget and today I’ll share them with all the women who’ve been (or are) there.

1. Not all births are terrible and frightening. Don’t listen to people.

Pregnant women seem to be magnets for birth war stories. I didn’t mind it as, by nature, I like to prepare myself for the worst case scenario. Let’s be honest, no birth is idyllic as some hippy women would like us to think, but not all of them are terrible either. Mine was almost movie-like and you can read about it here.

But first let me tell you one thing: don’t listen to people. People talk too much. They have opinions. They tell you stories, almost always frightening. And if your mind is not strong, they’ll discourage you and make you believe you can’t have the birth you want. Which takes me to point 2.

2. Giving birth naturally, without epidural, is possible.

Here in Spain, they seem to have forgotten that women have given birth naturally for millennia, and they call “natural” giving birth using epidural. When I said to other mums that I didn’t want the epidural, they laughed at me! Sure, it depends on the kind of birth (maybe a 24-hours labor would make me change my mind), but I believe the mind is powerful and I knew that feeling the contractions is important: at every contraction, I repeated to myself that I was helping my baby on his traumatic journey.

Also, If you don’t have the epidural, you can stand, squat, lay on one side, which are all more natural positions for giving birth. Laying down is for movies, forget legs up and all that! If you ask your midwife, she’ll let you choose the position you feel more comfortable in.

3. Fear stops labor.

Fear releases adrenalin, which is enemy number one of oxytocin, a hormone that helps contractions and gets the baby down and out. How to stop fear? I’m not sure, as I’ve never really feared labor. But I think fear is an irrational feeling, one that knowledge can defeat: the more informed you are about labor and its stages, and the more you prepare mentally (I did it by meditating with Headspace), the less fear you feel. Which takes me to point 4.

4. The prenatal course is key.

Knowledge is power, and it enables you to 1. fight fear (see point 3); 2. question authorities! Only because doctors (or midwives) tell you to lay down or have the epidural, it doesn’t mean you have to do it unquestioningly. ASK! And if you’re not comfortable with the explanation, you can decline; 3. Convert your husband into your thinking mind (Alex was super prepared and he knew exactly what I want and didn’t want. Had I lost lucidity, I knew I could rely on him 100%).

A good prenatal course, one where you feel you can trust your midwife, unlocks this kind of power. Graciela from Asunción y Pilar gave me lots of confidence and made me believe I could have the natural birth I wanted. And I did.

5. Clear rules for your family will help them respect you.

Here in Spain, giving birth is like getting married: the whole family (and we’re talking tens of people) get together in the hospital waiting room with food and board games (not quite, but almost! ;-). That was my worst nightmare.

I think a baby is an intimate experience of the couple. I wasn’t going to keep my parents from being there on the day their grandson was born, but I set clear boundaries (in my case, I didn’t want anybody at home when we got back from the hospital, in the evenings and mornings, which was a time for my new family). This way, having family around ended up being a great help — the fridge was always magically full and lunch and dinner waiting for me at the table.

Your attitude is a game changer.

I know, lots of things can happen that don’t depend on us, on how ready we are, on how little fear we feel. But I think that for me thinking positive and visualising the birth I wanted made all the difference. In my mind, it couldn’t go any other way.

Originally published on La Tela di Carlotta.