A Rollercoaster of Emotions with Online Dating: Tinder, Online Dating, and Advice Q&A
Online dating is a wild ride and many people experience their fair share of horrors as well as entertainment. I set out to conduct an interview with someone who had experience in the online dating world and I landed the jackpot. I went to the Laughing Goat coffee shop in Boulder, Colorado. A young, well-dressed young man was sitting at the table next to me. He was writing a work email when I politely asked him if he would mind helping with me a Q&A article. Cory is a Data Analyst at Oracle Data Cloud and has context into the world of online dating. He is in his late twenties and has used the dating apps Tinder and OKcupid.
Q. What has your experience been like with online dating?
A. Overall it has been positive. There are Pros and Cons but for someone like me, I’m originally from Florida with a small network available to me, it gave me a chance to meet people outside of my close circle of friends. Also, I enjoy meeting and getting to know new people, so online dating has been fun even if every date isn’t perfect.
Q. How would you describe the difference between organically meeting someone versus a planned date from an online dating app?
A. Online dating (from my experience) has been stacked in favor of women. There seems to be more competition so the superficial pieces like your physical looks, your photos, height, basically anything that can be put on paper is going to be heavily screened against many other potential candidates. I believe that in an organic environment like this coffee shop, you can get past this base filter and create chemistry with pieces that can’t be put on paper, like your charm or your wittiness. I think if you’re confident enough in person, you can potentially skip the line to a date.
Q. Why do you think people may be skeptical?
A. I can see why they might be skeptical. The online dating world can be really intimidating but then again so is any kind of dating. To put yourself out there to rejection can be a painful experience. Also like I mentioned previously, online dating really keeps it focused on the superficial details and physical looks are everything. Also, since everyone is dating in the same big pool of people, the competition can be really high. So I can definitely see why people may be hesitant to jump in. But then again, I feel like it’s unfair for people to judge online dating as if the resulting relationships are somehow inferior to organic relationships. Genuine relationships are formed, it’s just a different method of getting to that first date.
Q. Online studies show that more people have success as a result of online dating versus meeting in bars or clubs, how do you feel about this statistic? And would you say that has been true of your experiences?
A. I absolutely believe in this statistic. I moved to Boulder five years ago and I knew one person when I came out here. My network of friends was tiny so organically meeting potential dates through my network was impossible. I tried the bar scene for a while, it was a lot of fun but also I was hitting a lot of dead ends in terms of real chemistry outside of having shots together. Online dating gives you access to countless people outside of your network — people that you would never have had the opportunity to meet if it weren’t for mutual interest in a dating app. This is where online dating is special to me. Maybe I would never be able to meet this special person because we’re too disconnected and it would have taken extremely lucky odds. Plus this is a numbers game right? Not everyone has the time to go out to bars just to meet potential dates all the time, maybe that cute girl at Whole Foods doesn’t want people harassing her for her number while she’s trying to buy produce. With dating apps, at least everyone is on the same page.
Q. And out of your relationships, how many have been the result of a dating app?
A. I was engaged to a girl I met organically in college through mutual friends. Since her, just about every meaningful relationship has been the result of online dating. It’s a better way to meet people. Instead of endlessly trying to start small talk with random people at a bar, it’s nice to be able to find mutual interest from the comfort of my home — on my cell phone. When that mutual attraction is established, I would much rather meet up knowing that there is mutual interest with the sole purpose of this first date being to genuinely get to know this person. In the organic world of dating, there is often ambiguity around attraction. In the online world, it should be very clear. With an app like Tinder, you only match with people that find you attractive at a quick first glance (a swipe right). From the initial match, you already know that the person found you attractive. This is a very empowering piece of information. From there on out, it’s up to you to start and continue a conversation. If all goes well and you get a phone number, you know that they find you attractive, interesting, and worth-while for a date.
Q. Do you have any recommendations for other people entering the world of online dating?
A. Pictures are extremely important so make sure they’re flattering and hopefully also showcase the highlights of your interests. If you like to snowboard, make sure your photos reflect that. People love dogs. Other than that, have reasonable expectations and jump in with an open mind. You might not meet your perfect girl or guy — dating is an unpredictable journey, so don’t take everything too seriously and enjoy the ride.
