Facebook Groups for Moms Are a Double-Edged Sword

Social media is the center of a lot of debate today. Its rapid arrival engulfed our lives so quickly that experts are scrambling to understand its significance and influence on our consciousness, behaviors and society as a whole. Facebook is leading the pack with over a quarter of the world’s population logging in every month. And long gone are the days of thinking of Facebook as a place just for teens and college students. Seventy-five percent of internet connected moms are members of the social media titan.

So, what’s in it for these procreating VIPs? What do moms do on Facebook?

One major ‘like’ for Facebook is how it helps new mamas cope with the shock and overwhelm that is new motherhood. Brand new humans are downright leeches, figuratively and quite literally. They suck your energy, your brain power and your tatas all day, er’day. With a new baby to feed, basically, around the clock, there aren’t many options for human interaction available from her beautiful, new, custom-upholstered rocking chair. This stage is lonely, and absolutely boring. Facebook offers a connection to a world outside the nursery. It’s a place for reassurance and easy, middle-of-the-night entertainment. One mom wrote of her mom Facebook group experience saying, “one night, after a brutal cluster-feeding session, I reached out to the group and just expressed that I felt like I was drowning. I had so many responses, just letting me know that they supported me.” I don’t know how often Facebook lives up to its idyllic objective of bringing people together and helping us feel “a little less alone,” but in this instance, insert heart emoji here.

Eventually the cloud of complete exhaustion and shock subsides. You find your groove. Days turn back into days and nights into nights instead of one long, undefined revolving door of diapers, feedings and teasers of sleep. There are still so many questions to be answered. Oh, yes, all the uncertainty. How do I get this baby to sleep through the night? How many dirty diapers are they supposed to have in a day, because ten seems like too much? (It’s not). What foods will a toddler actually eat? What’s up with this rash? When will my kid get tired of watching “Frozen” on repeat? And it’s not just your kid who’s weird. Mom brain leaves you wondering exactly what happened to your mental faculties, not mention how the milk got left in the pantry and the keys in the refrigerator. Enter the hundreds of others mothers who crossed that bridge just the other day and now live (online) to tell you all about it. Facebook groups provide a place where a mom can find other moms in the exact stage of motherhood that she is currently in. The reassurance that ‘yes, that’s normal,’ and ‘it’s just a phase’ is remarkably helpful.

And all the stuff. Researching and choosing all of the available baby accessories does not feel unlike preparing for a trek to Mt. Everest. Amazon reviews are helpful, but it doesn’t take long before you’re overwhelmed and huddled in the corner contemplating a life of minimalism. Maybe you don’t actually need a baby food maker, but what about an exersaucer or a jumper seat or both? These virtual clubs of knowledgeable and opinionated moms can seriously spare your wallet. Or convince you that the baby shusher is actually a must-have sanity saver. Speaking of baby gear, many parenting Facebook groups are dedicated to swapping or reselling gently used or never-even-unboxed (baby food maker) items because kids are bottomless pits of need. (And about that exersaucer. Both. Buy them both. Seriously).

There’s no doubt that real, face-to-face interactions with others are essential to our mental well-being. Local Facebook groups let moms easily take those virtual connections offline and into the real world. Moms can effortlessly organize neighborhood playdates or plan to meet for a cup of coffee as members of the same group. And who else has the low-down on the most kid-friendly restaurants or the best pediatricians or the most fun ‘baby and me’ classes around town?

Despite all of the advantages of joining a Facebook moms’ group, there are some considerable drawbacks. The first being a huge dose of mama drama. A simple request for help or an opinion can quickly turn into a 200-comment thread that no longer resembles anything beneficial. And these mama bears can get surprisingly nasty. Some of the most feud inciting topics include formula feeding, sleep training, vaccines and even circumcision. With so many mothers staunchly glued to their chosen parenting corners, these topics are best left off the Facebook.

Another pitfall of moms’ groups is comparing oneself to others. While this problem isn’t unique to Facebook moms’ groups, it is especially tough for women already under so much pressure to get something so important so right. It can be hard not to feel lousy after seeing others post their organic, home-grown, magazine-spread-worthy meals when you’ve just driven through Chickfila for the third time this week.

So, for moms, Facebook is obviously a place for them to find a much-needed virtual village, but should be employed with a little caution. And with that knowledge, you can be a little less annoyed knowing that moms aren’t on Facebook solely to clog your feed with a gazillion photos of their button-nosed offspring.