Not Your Mother’s Way to Date!
“Today, if you own a smartphone, you’re carrying a 24–7 singles bar in your pocket.” — Aziz Ansari, Actor
Aziz is not wrong, technology allows for the constant presence of potential suitors. However, do we really want that? Is having the dating pool constantly at your fingertips a good thing? I have to be honest, I am on Tinder and have gone on a few dates; not all bad I have to admit. Within my age group, almost all my single friends are on Tinder as well, some have even started serious relationships through dating apps. This poses the question, is online dating the way to go or have we all given into the convenience and drudge of society?
There are many critiques who say that online dating is the demise of dating and have a laundry list of reasons it is not the direction to choose. It is believed to diminish the connection between people and limit the social and conversational skills needed to land a date in the real world. Our parents used to have a traditional approach to dating where they met in high school or college and married at a younger age. There was a love that grew organically from a chance meeting. Online dating is said to be taking the chance out of relationships and love. As stated by John Walters, “Love — this great irrational driver of humanity — has become an object, which people wish to be fully informed about, choose rationally, and not suffer any unexpected disappointments from.” It seems that it is a game that we play just to kill the time at the expense of others. Walters states, “society has invited the language and practice of market rationality into [the relational] midst. It has taken over not merely communal aspects of society, but the very essence of what it means to be human.” Is this just cynical or is there some logic behind the criticism?
Luckily this stigma has significantly dissipated; according to the Pew Research Study the majority of American’s say online dating is a good way to meet people. From personal experience online dating has significantly expanded my pool to more of a lake. I would agree that apps such as Tinder turn dating into a game in some sense but is there really a problem with it? When smartphones were not enlarging the dating pool, there was still a game associated with dating, now it just has the screen and the swiping to accompany the game. I have definitely had my fare share of bad dates: guys not looking like their photos, the inability to hold a conversation in real life when they were all too talkative online, and then there’s dates that leave no sparks flying in the slightest. But some have gone really well and I enjoy the chance to meet people that I never would have crossed paths with in everyday life. The online dating world has its downsides but the stigma that is associated with online dating is unfair and needs to be reassessed. Becca Wolinsky believes that online dating has redefined gender norms, stating, “with online dating, the stakes are lower. For me, it feels very low risk to send bold and daring messages out to men,” when originally men were supposed to be the ones pursuing women. Furthermore, online dating does not take the mystery out of dating like Walters argues, it just takes away some of the spontaneity. You are meeting up with a complete stranger who, in the whole scheme of things, you know nothing about — there is a lot of mystery.
I am not sure there is a right or wrong answer to whether or not online dating is the way to go. It definitely is not the method our parents would have used but it is not a bad thing to blaze new trails. The real key is to keep an open mind in regards to online dating, it is an option that is at our fingertips. There are definitely some pitfalls associated with online dating and it is surrounded by a stigma that makes people weary. Yet there is definite success with it, believe it or not, in 2013, one third of U.S. marriages began with online dating and as of 2016 5% of American’s met their significant other online. I feel that there is definitely a place in society for online dating. Online dating does not mean you have given up or are desperate; you just want to see what else is out there versus meeting someone in a drunken stupor at a party or a bar.
