Golf is the Worst (except when it’s the best)

Today I stumbled upon some anti-golf stories. One titled I Hate Golf, another The Case Against Golf. I noticed a few others but didn’t bother with them.

At first I thought they might be satire — kind of like those terrible 15 Reasons You Should NEVER visit [wherever] lists.

But they weren’t. They were dead serious. Each article actually presented arguments why the game is too expensive, overly difficult, and a waste of time.

In a way…these guys are right. Golf can be pretty painful. But they’re also missing the point (and have a rather shitty outlook on life—respectably). So rather than providing some ridiculous, unnecessary counter-argument, we drew up a list of reasons why you should actually, really, never play golf:

1. Goose shit. Everywhere.

2. The “So how many strokes you giving me?” guy.

3. Depending on your geography…potential alligators.

4. Apply all you want, you’re still getting sunburned.

5. If it’s windy…get the fuck out of there. Immediately.

6. Finally found your swing? Say hello to your first 3-putt.

7. Approaching the 2nd tee to find three groups waiting.

8. Watching someone take more than two practice swings.

9. “Great shot” when it wasn’t.

10. “Good miss.”

11. If you adjust your aim for a repeated hook or slice…prepare to hit your next shot *straight* out of bounds.

12. Unsolicited (commonly shitty) advice.

13. Bunkers: you’ll either kill someone or break both wrists.

14. Overly-dressed guy, aka the “parking lot pro”.

15. At some point…you’ll hit a great shot (perhaps a few) and fully justify the need to come back tomorrow.

Golf is demanding. It requires a huge time commitment — both for continual improvement (practice) and actual play. Yes, it costs a lot of money (both in terms of fees and equipment). And yes, it is extremely difficult — it’s just you, the ball, and the course in front of you.

But it is all worth it. On a good day, there is nothing better.

Please feel free to add your own golf gripes in the comments below — and if you liked this article, hit that little heart button. More people will see it if you do :)