Mentorship: a mutual uncovering of our professional-selves.
7 learnings on the mentor-mentee relationship
In the past few years, I increasingly saw it as a natural and motivating step for me to uplift my supporting others within teamwork into a proper, all rounded mentoring role. I had the chance to take on such a responsibility both internally as part of my company’s career counseling program and externally, by joining the Ladies That UX Amsterdam’s mentorship program and adplist.org, as a mentor serving the broader international community of designers and researchers out there.
This mix of experiences gave me, on one hand, the possibility to undergo what it takes to build a solid ongoing mentor-mentee relationship over time, as well as to take on 40+ one-off portfolio reviews and career development chats with different professionals in need for an extra pair of eyes and fresh, unbiased perspective to get unstuck.
The overarching learning I got, is that both mentee and mentor are equally enabled to benefit from the fruits of the relationship, in a different but also equivalent manner.
Both roles are symmetrically enhanced to develop, grow, open to new challenges and reflections about the journey, decisions, and skillset consolidated or aspired as professional-selves. In this article, I attempted to summarise my key takeaways from my mentoring journey so far, to hopefully instill constructive thinking and uncover elements for discussion to anyone interested in the subject.
1. Must click on both sides 💘
Mutual synergy & investment are key as well as synchronised human connection
Commitment and structure shouldn’t only come from the mentor side, as I used to think. If the mentee is not genuinely motivated and driven, you won’t pass on much when trying to push your best-intentioned mentor guidance and tips through. Additionally, pure, positive human connection is very important when it comes to creating the foundations of a long term mentorship. If for any reason the mentee and/or the mentor don’t feel comfortable, open, and free to express themselves in a way that brings them joy and constructive discomfort, I do believe it’s in the interest of both to interrupt the attempt and look for another match. It’s no one’s fault.
Acknowledging when things don’t work, demonstrates to value the time of both players in the game!
2. Clear goals’ setting, with flexibility 🧭
It’s not a failure if goals change and need a re-fit
Work priorities, personal interests, job switch: there are plenty of reasons why mentees’ goals might evolve & differ over time. Although it’s important to co-shape a learning vision together for the time at your disposal, your mentorship goals shouldn’t be set in stone. If what you framed at the start won’t fit your mentee’s context anymore, adjust to a more pertinent set of actions. It’s - in my view - the responsibility of the mentee to keep the mentor up to date on changing priorities as well as of the mentor to proactively conduct regular check-ins & spot inconsistency as they emerge. To give an example, one of my mentees was once completely absorbed on a demanding project so that any side growth activity was inevitably parked. We then approached our chats as a brainstorm on burning issues within her current project instead: our sessions temporarily diverged from the plan we had set, but definitely for the best!
Going on automated mode for the sake of consistency won’t bring value to your mentee: talk transparently & anticipate moving targets as events unfold.
3. It’s not about you, it’s about them 🥇
A good mentor can feel good about someone else’s success
A fundamental attitude of mentoring is to strive and wish for mentees’ very best. Not only your actions are committed to helping him/her get there, but I believe being emotionally altruists and able to genuinely feel good about seeing them shine - even brighter than yourself - is a key signal of a healthy mentorship. Unconditioned willingness to support, listen and guide as well as spontaneous enjoyment in doing so, are the ingredients of a winning team and what will make your mentee truly see you as a trustworthy asset in their development.
Put your ego aside and share what you know, hoping for results beyond what YOU managed to achieve till now.
4. Promote a safe space and good vibes 🧘🏿
Negative pressure and a stiff structure just deepen lack of motivation
Following a set common thread within your mentorship like 1-on-1s every two weeks, defined communication channels, and a clear social contract between both parties will bring light over the path you’ll walk together. But this doesn’t mean that every catch-up should have a specific agenda and that progress towards your goal will be always smooth. And you know what? That’s just fine. As long as your mentee is intrinsically motivated (a prerequisite for any meaningful mentor-mentee relationship) he/she will get there anyway. Stick to the set meetings as much as possible: casual, spontaneous chit chat building on top of recent updates and fresh challenges is better than skipping them because feeling underprepared or anxious to show up.
Make sure to embrace every session with empathy, motivate your mentees instead of focusing on the lacks: they’ll be eager to surprise you the next time around!
5. Take time for mutual feedback 💌
Reflect on your experience and take the time to talk out loud about it
Feedback is a gift. Encourage sharing moments during and after your relationship as a way to consolidate your takeaways and foster growth. To do that, I’ve been experimenting myself with both the ‘sandwich method’ (Based on sharing feedback in the following sequence: 1 good feedback; 1 bad feedback; 1 good feedback again) as well as a ‘retrospective-like approach’ (Based on sharing feedback in the following categories: Start doing; Stop doing; Keep doing). Discuss openly together on what you’d like to get out of the feedback session, why you value each other’s perspective, and align on a feedback sharing approach comfortable for both.
Depending on the unique treats of your mentee and the mentorship style you are adopting, pick the way that feels right the most, there’s no one size fits all here.
6. Back up your feedback with evidence 📌
Fewer opinions, more linking the dots across factual episodes
On top of making sure to dedicate time for feedback sharing, it’s also equally important to reflect upon the ‘how’ of feedback giving. Being open to feedback is a paramount quality of every human being driven to self-improve, although if badly phrased, poorly communicated, and grounded on, they can also deviate the receiver’s attention in the wrong direction for improvement. Something helping to avoid the latter is to package your feedback in a way that clearly links it to evidence and specific situations. In a way that makes it more objective and constructive instead of coming across as a personal one-off opinion. It should justify itself (i.e. a design element, an in-context behaviour, etc.), and being graspable for debate and more context if necessary.
The same effort that should go to listening to feedback — even uncomfortable ones — should go to packaging them in a way that ensures clear and meaningful delivery.
7. No one is an everything guru 🤖
Not having all the answers is also what makes the relationship mutual
When is the right time to put myself out there as a mentor? When are you expert enough for such a responsibility? The Imposter Syndrome here can easily and quickly cloud off our minds and hearts. But here’s the thing: no one ever knows everything. As banal as that, this realisation and important reminder for each of us should be supported by a transparent acknowledgment on the domains that your mentees can make you accountable for to rely on your expertise. The clearer you are about that, the less pressure on you.
When you are asked things you don’t know, feel thankful, rather than ashamed, cause you can look them up and grow! That’s what makes mentorship mutually exciting.
Sharing my subjective experiences to others about the journey I feel grateful for living, it’s something deeply fulfilling me. It gives true meaning and excitement to my practice, fueling curiosity to uncover more of myself as a professional and human being.
Mentoring is not about giving only, to the contrary, it’s a lot about receiving. Only looking at the past 6 months my mentees tremendously helped me stay up to date on what’s going on in the market, what’s in the mind of fresh starting professionals, to be more aware on career development trends, how a good portfolio looks like these days and many more.
We are often so immersed and caught up in our bubble that being shaken off by someone else’s challenges boosts self-awareness and consolidation around our path.
It simply makes you wonder: This is my past, this is my present, what’s next for me? What is the future-me I am heading towards? Is this in line with my values? And so many other critical questions worth answering.
Willing to share your learnings in the mentorship space? Would love to hear all about them in the comments below!
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Photo credits: Louis Hansel on Unsplash
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