Designers and the "middle sibling problem."
The metaphor I’ve always liked to use when talking to someone about my work as a Product Designer is that this professional can suffer from a "middle sibling problem" in tech companies.
In any family with more than one child, the pattern shifts between them. They all tend to have different personalities and pick up different interests. But as a stereotype, when you have a family of three children, the baseline is always something like this:
you have the youngest sibling, who's innovative, always thinks ahead, and does things without giving much thought to small consequences. They are allowed and encouraged to dream and be bold with their decisions. They are adventurous and tend to bring out the craziest strategies and ideas in the blink of an eye. The sky is the limit for them. This pattern is the closest thing we have to a business/product person in any workplace.
Next, we have the oldest sibling, who tends to be the opposite. From the very beginning of their life, they're told to be responsible and make sure everything is okay. Any clear danger they see always rings the bell because it will be their duty to fix the problem afterward. They set boundaries more often and are much more cautious in their decisions, always weighing in the pros and cons of each thing before making a statement. They have a too realistic (almost pessimist) mindset. In a work environment, we are talking about a profile closer to an IT person.
In the middle of them is the middle sibling. This one tends to be the peacemaker between them, bringing balance to both universes, preferably without forgetting what they want and need to accomplish. Sometimes they are the forgotten child in the family, but they're usually someone who digests and brings conflict to fruition, being the glue that keeps them connected. This final profile is the designer in almost every organization.
But, as in every relationship where the parties are very close, there are not only roses. Sometimes the youngest sibling is very anxious and may be too eager to make things happen. Sometimes the oldest one is insecure and needs more time to think, which can easily turn into stubbornness. Sometimes the middle sibling may be so detached from the world and stuck in their own problems that they grow to despise conflict, as it is not in their nature.
Do you see the pattern?
The business/product person may be always thinking ahead and looking for opportunities, who may not be looking at the smaller picture: when everything is a priority for their stakeholders, it is easy to lose focus, and when they have an OKR to answer to and feel pressured to deliver, they can, naturally, pass on that anxiety to their peers.
The IT person can become too much of a blocker because it’s easier for them to have their code in order and in a way that makes sense to them before talking about decision-making. Everything is always changing: code gets older, you get better as a developer and learn to work with fewer lines of code, legacy keeps getting in the way, and sometimes they may need to redo things.
The designer needs to present workable solutions for developers to code while bringing value to the business, as well as the voice of the user into play. All this advice can be hard to balance, and it can also be difficult for them to speak for themselves when they need to have something improved or required to complete the task successfully.
And what can be done about those issues?
We may take one step at a time and do some family counseling every once in a while, but today I want to focus on what we, as designers, can change to bring more of ourselves into the conversation. Shall we?
The best advice I've got around these years working in product design was: in our field, it's always nice to be someone that empathizes with everybody constantly, but sometimes, you need to stand up for yourself and forget about being pleasant to other people or for the sake of the good mood at the office.
Usually, as UX/UI and product designers, we are natural empaths, and we must put ourselves in the shoes of the user in our everyday life, but in a work environment, we need to be able to do more than that: we need to fight for them, be their advocate and speak up when things are not ideal for them, even if it means to make other parties uncomfortable for a bit.
And this empath habit may reflect on everything in our work: the requests we make to other people, the "no's" we need to give, the call-outs we need to deliver to our peers sometimes (of course, with radical candor), negotiating due dates, and quick fixes, everything we do when we're not talking to a user and/or analyzing their data, so it's nice to be aware of that.
By the way, this doesn't mean we can demand things "just because" when the aftermath could mean our solution might not see the bright of the day. Our duty is, most of all, to work with feasible things and make sure the ideas we bring are scalable and can be delivered in a go-to-market schedule with an easy-to-code setting. But we all deserve greatness. We need to push to be able to grow sometimes, and that’s okay since we all have the same goal, and we need to be on the same page.
On the bright side, I guarantee you that by being more honest with them about these tough conversations in your team, you get a lot of feedback about your work and your process as well, so, by taking this leap of faith, you might even improve your work faster. Don't be afraid of losing sympathy if you win respect and experience in return. It's totally worth it.
___________________________________________________________________
I'd like to thank my working crew, that has been giving me this and many more lessons as well: Jadson Dantas, Bruna Bites, Francimar Maciel, and Julia Goncalves, as well as my journey palls that I'm lucky enough to have Desirée Hoppe and Igor Matsuzaki.
Also, I'd like to send some kudos to my friend Aline Madruga and my colleague Debora Carvalho for reviewing this text. You rock!
Last but not least, thanks to my sister Ana Luísa, for believing in me and encouraging me to turn my thoughts to fruition.
