5 Tips to Look Well Rested When Your Vagina Keeps You Awake with Night Terrors

Lauren Morris
Jun 27, 2018 · 2 min read

Mint!

Using mint as an ingredient in products can increase mental alertness for a morning pick-me-up and instantly brighten dull, tired skin. This is helpful after a night of vagina night terrors. This time it was the one where women were fighting to keep abortion legal and accessible. Mint is an invigorating herb helps to stimulate blood circulation, bringing new nutrients to skin cells. Youthful appearance is important in our society and to our vaginas also, our body, our choice!

Frozen Veggies of Any Kind!

Anything chilled — ice, a bag of frozen peas, sliced and diced frozen cucumbers — should do the trick as long as it’s held on the area for at least 10 minutes. Keep in around the eyes to look wide awake and around the vagina so it too stays awake. Vagina doesn’t need to keep having that recurring dream where feminine products are taxed and still surrounded by stigma. Nothing more awkward then making eye contact with the just turned 18 year old CVS employee while you are purchasing Always Maxi, Size 5, Extra Heavy Overnight Pads With Wings, Unscented and not having enough money because you didn’t factor in taxes for normal biological functions!

Champagne!

Sure, you can gulp a glass of it after the night terror your vagina had about walking down a city block minding your own business and being constantly cat-called! Champagne, though, does so much more. Try using a champagne-toned highlighter to brighten a dull, drab complexion! It’s the backstage secret of celebrity makeup artists who most likely also deal with cat-calling.

Line your eyes with a white or nude liner!

Your vagina twitches every time a fanboy posts about Star Wars and how women are the downfall of an entire fandom thus keeping you from your much needed slumber! You’re exhausted! The trick to brightening your eyes for more a of a doe-eye look is white or nude liner. Ironic that using a white or nude color is what makes you look perky and exactly what fanboys are striving for!

Mask!

You think we are going to advise you on some sort of pore reducing mask but we are actually talking about literal masks. One for your face and one for your vagina. Really, just try hiding from the world for a bit and see what happens. If that fails then go ahead and exfoliate with a facial mask to bring about oxygenated blood flow to the surface of your skin for an instant glow. You’ll need it when you argue why equal pay for equal work is indeed a thing!

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