Aww! This Man Loved the Economy So Much, He Married It!
After years of failed relationships, 37-year-old advertising executive Thad Phillips has finally found “the one.”
Thad and the economy met online in October of 2018. “I’ve flirted with economics my whole life, but this was different,” Thad joyfully recalls. “I realized I’ve finally reached the age where I’m ready to talk about nothing else.”
Throughout their courtship, Thad lost most of his friends, but he doesn’t mind. “My friends were so sick of me talking about her,” he laughs. “One day, my buddy Brett shouted at me, ‘If you love the economy so much, why don’t you marry it?!’ So guess what? I did!”
From the moment they met, the physical chemistry between Thad and the economy was off the charts. “She’s a real bull in the sack,” he brags. “When she trickles down… oh my God. It takes everything in me not to lose it!”
Even though Thad gets a raging bone for the economy, he insists that their relationship is rooted in friendship. “There’s no one else I would rather explore emerging markets with,” he declares. So cute!
Thad does admit that the economy can be difficult to live with at times. “She can be real up and down, even from minute to minute,” he muses. “But it definitely keeps things exciting!”
“In fact,” he continues, “forecasting has become foreplay… and we’re both projected to rise tonight.”
With that, he flashes a devilish grin, and it’s clear to this reporter that even though Thad could have his pick of the humans, he puts an abstract concept before anyone else. Consider my faith in love restored!
Some might say that Thad’s love borders on obsession, but he doesn’t see it that way. “I know we’re a match because I literally can’t think about anybody else,” Thad states with pride. “There have been times when my family says it’s ‘inappropriate,’ but sorry, Mom – even if you are in the hospital, I’m still going to talk about the economy.” Such devotion!
The two lovebirds had a small wedding ceremony on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, where they vowed to forever invest in one another.
