Ladies, We Need To Stop Talking About Our Periods
Shh, people can hear you!
More and more naïve feminists are espousing the importance of destigmatizing our monthly flow in articles, college courses, and twitter diatribes. If they had it their way, everyone would learn to be comfortable saying the word “period,” even when they’re not discussing grammar. They’re trying to create a world in which men can pick out tampons for their partner or friend without looking like a befuddled man in a cleaning commercial. We must put a stop to this at once.
We need to remember what our periods are capable of. As a paralyzing poison that allows us to capture men and suck out their life force to nurture our bodies, we can’t allow them to discover the truth about our monthlies. Obviously if men discovered how much paralyzing blood we release every month, they would try to weaponize it. It is our sacred weapon, entrusted only to us.
And it’s not just the menstruation itself we need to keep quiet. We have to keep all period-related paraphanelia out of the public eye. Whenever a man sees a woman’s tampon string, his head rotates 365 degrees. This traumatic event has an impact that lasts a lifetime. After that, any string makes men physically sick. They can’t even practice the knots they learned from boy scouts. Instead of blowing out birthday candles, they vomit on the wick tips.
And let’s not forget what happens at work when a spot of blood shows through our dress pants. The entire office goes up in flames.
We must stay silent about our menstruation. There are dangerous repercussions if we don’t. Our periods are a sacred birthright that tie us to all of Mother Earth’s creation. Like volcanic eruptions, our flows are powerful. Our fertility is like an unending ocean. And like the Venus Flytrap, we must hide that part of ourselves until we are ready to attack and liquify all men.
