Our mortal existence is fleeting.

Ellie Guzman
Aug 26 · 2 min read
Photo by Marina Lima on Unsplash

Hi to our lovely Lady Piecerinos! Can you believe we’re at 29,700 followers? Our 30k mark is rapidly approaching and what better way to celebrate it than throwing a Dirty Thirties Party! And by “Party” I mean “blog post” because we’re poor! Yay!

It’s so crazy to think that nearly three years ago I was sitting at my computer thinking “How can I procrastinate today?”. And so, Lady Pieces was born. Thanks to readers and writers like you, it has become more than I ever dreamt it would and I’m so grateful for that!

It hasn’t all been easy; sometimes the writers are funnier than me, and it hurts my soul. But I bounce back and publish the pieces anyway, because I am amazing. This is, at its core, about me.

Lady Pieces is rapidly approaching a big milestone, so here are thirty things we can do as a group to celebrate entering our thirties:

  • Plunging headfirst into an existential spiral
  • Stopping dangerous activities like ice skating and taking the escalator at the mall
  • Buying a shirt with the word “rosé” on it
  • Transitioning from drinking at 2am to drinking at 2pm
  • Being blindly loyal to one specific grocery chain
  • Regularly going to the dentist
  • Checking our work email on our phones and then loudly saying “Ugh it’s from work”
  • Taking up yoga
  • Being mystified that our friends are actually getting pregnant on purpose
  • Rewatching the entirety of the series “Friends”
  • Calling friends and asking if they want to watch “Friends”
  • Shoving down feelings when friends ditch you for their families which is so LAME EWW
  • Attending all of the weddings
  • Finally accepting probiotics into our lives
  • Permanently online shopping
  • Being in a one-sided competition with someone at work
  • Getting super into puppies/kittens/otters
  • Falling for clickbait more often
  • Crying in the shower
  • Wearing sensible shoes
  • Learning what a Roth IRA is
  • Hosting and surviving a holiday gathering
  • Cooking a chicken recipe from memory and not getting salmonella from it
  • Genuinely being afraid of the internet
  • Taking up a unique hobby like tapestry weaving or tap dancing or tapas tasting
  • Finally picking a wine of choice
  • Paying for HBO and acting like it’s not a big deal
  • Eating something we know will make us sick and then telling everyone “I feel sick”
  • Actually wearing sunscreen
  • Googling “menopause”

Go forth and celebrate, you beautiful beings! Forty will be here before we know it and we’ll have to start picking caskets.

Love you!

Lady Pieces

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Ellie Guzman

Written by

Millennial witch of Medium. Lover of writing, comedy, tequila, and dogs. Views my own. You can support my writing here ❤ : https://www.paypal.me/ellieguzman

Lady Pieces

Show Us Your Piece

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