Other Medications Trump is Taking
Earlier on Monday, President Trump stated that he takes hydroxychloroquine daily. We at Lady Pieces managed to get our hands on the rest of his medication regimen, outlined below:
Monistat
You can’t spell “yeasty boy” without “best,” which makes his Monistat use all-around patriotic.
FAIDS Medical Regimen
“Why,” you ask, “does the President of the United States take medication for feline AIDS?” To put it shortly, because he can.
Horny Goat Weed
He doesn’t take it for sexual reasons. Rather, he took so much of it in the 80s and 90s that if he stops now, his kidneys will disintegrate.
MUTS
This medication is a knockoff of the antacid TUMS. Rather than treat acid in the stomach, it combats acid corroding the blood-brain barrier. Trump takes five with every meal.
M&Ms
On an unfortunate day not too long ago, Trump heard the phrase “red pill” and demanded to take the red pill every day, for vigor. No one has the heart to tell him they’re just red M&Ms.
Flintstones Vitamins
This is the only way he’s staying alive.
President Trump is truly a medical mystery, both physically and mentally. At this point, his organs probably just look like a Chuck E. Cheese ballpit. But don’t fear; if he has a bad reaction to the hydroxychloroquine, it’s nothing a Lysol enema can’t fix.
