Reviews from the Evil Villains® Dating App
Norman Bates: He’s a total mamma’s boy
Dr. Otto Octavius/Dr. Ock/Dr. Octopus: Too clingy.
Annie Wilkes: Way too clingy. Makes Dr. Ock look like Mr. Spock.
Hans Gruber: A gold digger. Never treats me to dinner and the one time we went Dutch, he expected me to pay his share, because his money was “tied up” in investments.
Norman Bates: A total mamma’s boy. Pass.
Goldfinger: He’s always golfing. Skip him and go for his henchman: he’s better-looking and he’s got a boomerang in his hat. Ask him to give you a demo!
Hannibal Lecter: Never goes out to eat. Insists on doing all the cooking. Kind of heavy on the meat dishes. Though he likes beans, he refuses to try vegan.
Darth Vader: Don’t take him anywhere where the dress code is informal. Won’t wear jeans, not even at home. He threw a major wobbler when I bought him a novelty tie.
Jaws: I took him to a bar by the docks and all the sailors started hitting on him!
Jack Torrance: I’m pretty sure he’s got a drinking problem. A hallucinating-other-people problem. And an axe problem. His Ed McMahon impression needs work.
Maximilian (aka Maxim) de Winter: This guy could mope for England.
The Tasmanian Devil: Gets wound up way too easily. Says he’s into carpentry, but the only thing I’ve seen him make is sawdust. Doesn’t pick up after himself. I’m not your maid, buddy.
The Terminator: Told him he needed a makeover. He got one. He looks worse.
HAL 9000: Great first impression. Sexy voice. Smart! He’s in a high-up position at his company. But he kept calling me “Dave”, so I ditched him.
