Sink Full Of Dishes? Try These Passive Aggressive Tactics To Get Your Lazy Roommate To Do Her Part!

Just some subtle tips!

1. Make her favorite meal and wash only one plate for yourself to eat off of. When she gets home after a long day of work, offer her some. Then just sit back and watch her eyes dart from the One Pot Chicken to the disgusting pile of dishes. What will she do!? (SPOILER ALERT: she’ll reach into her backpack, pull out a plastic fork and eat straight out of the pot).
2. Text her a picture of a clean kitchen with the caption “#goals! *wink face*” followed by “LOL JK!!!!!!!”, a million tongue faces and one grave emoji.
3. Throw all the kitchenware in the garbage and buy paper plates. Cover the paper plates in grease from a pizza you bought with her credit card and put them back in the cupboard.
4. Hack into her phone during her second nap of the day, invite her parents over for dinner and make a trail of her old milk cups (WHO STILL DRINKS MILK AS AN ADULT PERSON????) leading to her bedroom.
5. Help her get ready for a Tinder date and suggest that she “just go for it” as she contemplates whether or not she’s going to bring him home. When she leaves, put a dirty spoon covered in Taco Bell hot sauce packets under her pillow for them to find during their “special evening together”.
6. Create a fake Facebook for a man named Logan, log onto her Facebook and announce that they’re engaged. Photoshop some pictures of them together, invite every Facebook friend she has to the wedding via Facebook Events, including her ex AND current “fling” — this’ll be a fun convo to listen to through the wall — and post a wedding registry of just plates. All kinds. Porcelain, glass, silver, plastic, paper, saucers, platters. Hope that at least one person is dumb enough to buy and send (because honestly this is getting insane now).
7. Clog the kitchen sink with the tampons she just bought on Amazon Prime and turn the water on. Put on her rain boots and watch as the apartment floods. Let the dirty dishes float around like ships in the night.
8. Jump onto the subway tracks, humanely catch a small, slow mouse (with the promise to it’s family that you will return it safely), poke holes in her favorite Tupperware and create a tiny home for the sweet guy. Then put the Tupperware in her work bag and hand it to her as she’s rushing out the door (she’s always rushing out the door because she snoozes here alarm 15 times a morning WHICH I HEAR BECAUSE OUR WALLS ARE PAPER THIN). Smile big as she thanks you and closes the door.
9. While she sleeps, lay all the dirty dishes on the kitchen floor. Put on work boots and jump around, shattering them. Since she sleeps with earplugs and an eye mask, she will only faintly hear the clattering, which gives you time to pile the glass shards up around you (wear gloves please). When she wakes and leaves her room, throw them at her like ninja stars.
10. Eat all the food in the fridge and go to bed (this is more just to treat yourself, it’s been exhausting and stressful watching those dishes pile up and you deserve it, girl).