Three Classic Wardrobe Items That Will Not Make You Feel Like an Adult
You’ve finally landed your first real office job! You’re on your way to being a Real Adult (whatever that means!) and you’re going to need to stock up on some versatile, business casual, workplace appropriate clothing! Here are three items that will or will not help with that.
White Button Down Shirt

It seemed like a good idea in theory, but whenever you put this shirt on, it makes you feel like a waitress. You try wearing it without the sleeves rolled up, and this is somehow worse. You also try wearing it not tucked in, but it’s already wrinkled and you don’t have an iron. Do people still own irons? you wonder. You tuck it back in, but it still doesn’t look right.
There is also an 85% chance that if you wear a bra, the bra shows through.
Loafers

Adults own these, right? You definitely see people wearing them, you think. You should probably get a pair. But as it turns out, loafers are expensive, and when you try them on, it’s hard not to feel like a librarian, a nineteen fifties college student, or like you just walked off the set of Miami Vice. You’re not even entirely sure why you think you need them.
You walk out of the shoe store with a vague sense of desperation.
Blazer

You only occasionally see people wearing blazers and jackets at your job, but you’re worried about being taken seriously. This will help, right? One Sunday night when you’re feeling particularly anxious, you order a black blazer in three different sizes. When the package arrives a few days later, none of them seem to fit. You choose the middle size, deciding you’ll take it to a tailor. You send the other two back three days before the sixty day return period ends.
One month after this, you finally remember the blazer exists. You get it fitted, and now it’s perfect! You admire yourself in the mirror, thinking how professional you finally look.
You wear the blazer exactly twice before taking a job at an office where you’re allowed to wear sneakers.

