What Your Taco Bell Order Says About You
Taco Salad
Orders salad everywhere because it’s “healthy”. Basic bitch or a Karen. Wears Fabletics, never goes to the gym. Drives a mini-van or an SUV. Thinks Olive Garden is fancy. Either has kids named Brayden and Hayden or a Yorkie acting as a substitute child. Drinks Diet Coke because she “doesn’t want all that sugar.”
Dollar Menu
Will most likely pay with quarters from the bottom of their purse or car cup holder. Either high, legit loves the dollar menu items, or is high and remembered they like the Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito. Is either struggling between pay days or a low key millionaire. Otherwise, has expensive tastes.
Power Menu
Healthy person trying to hit macros and somehow ends up at Taco Bell or someone half-assing a New Year’s Resolution. Knows it’s doesn’t taste as good as Chipotle, but it’s half the price and a vegetable is a vegetable, right?
Chapula (any variety)
Has never had a Chapula and wants to try one or consistently orders said Chapula. Drinks Black Cherry White Claw when alone. Only drinks craft beer with friends. Old Millennial. Works in tech. Needs to clean out their car. Owns too many graphic tees. Watches Ancient Aliens.
Nacho Bell Grande
Woman in the violent throws of PMS. Jalapeños and hot sauce on everything. Will cut you off in traffic. Hair is caked in dry shampoo. Has considered hiring a hit man on the Dark Web. “We’re getting ice cream after this.”
7 Layer Burrito
Knows exactly what the 7 Layer Burrito and loves it, or is painfully drunk and is immediately intrigued by the option of a multi-level burrito. Then, is sorely disappointed when a glob of sour cream hits their throat. Most likely a vegetarian with high cholesterol.
Breakfast Crunchwrap
Hungover at 8 am on a Wednesday. Empty Redbull cans everywhere. Has barfed in an Uber. Probably getting fired from their sales job soon. Cracked iPhone screen.
Vegan Menu (any item)
An actual vegan who wants to enjoy cheap garbage food with their omnivore friends, or someone who is a vegan because it’s trendy. The legit vegan is a nice person who wants to save the planet and enjoys occasional junk food.
Option 2 is a trust fund kid who wore a headdress to Coachella in 2013. “Works” in the marketing department at her dad’s company. She “can’t even” without a Venti Soy Latte. Sends her boyfriend photos of engagement rings.
Cheesy Gordita Crunch
Knows all the new bars in town. Makes weird playlists. Might collect VHS. Shows their co-workers gross videos they found on Reddit. Is probably the reason a company policy was written into the updated employee handbook. Best friends with the Chapula eater. Coolest person you know.
Mexican Pizza
Car and life are both equally falling apart. Marlboro Reds. Cash only. Has a gun and will use it. Mountain Dew all day, every day. Uncharacteristically liberal. Cheap whiskey. Loyal friend. Her trainwreck of a sister-in-law reguarly gives her bad highlights.
Quesorito
Total bro. Been chugging Miller Lite since last Friday. Skips leg day. Axe body spray. Still wears Abercrombie sweats on the weekends. Sells insurance or is a loan officer. Expects blow jobs, doesn’t return the favor.
Soft Taco Supreme
Not an adventurous eater. Taco Bell=Mexican food. Closed-minded and a little racist. Has a live, laugh, love wooden sign from Hobby Lobby in their house. Thinks marijuana is a gateway drug, but secretly wants to try it. Watches stepmom porn when no one is home. Stalks “that bitch” from high school on Instagram. Is a Karen or the child of a Karen (see Taco Salad).
