10 Christmas Gifts to Buy If You Want Your Latino Family to Never Speak to You Again
It’s the holidays! It’s the season to spend money on gifts for the loved ones you don’t really know past, “I should call them more”. It is the time of the year that you pick out individualized items for each and everyone of your closest 3rd cousins or else Abuelita will hex you.
Don’t think twice and decide quickly, this Christmas haul will probably end badly!
1. A Box of Kind Bars:
There is no way you can beat that 2 for $5 deal containing 4 bars per BOX. How can somebody not want this?! These get you through EVERY month. Even if your Tia says, “That’s not food!” you know different.
2. A Pair of Baby Socks
Maybe this is not the most usable item unless you have a child in the family but lucky for me, my sister just gave birth to one! And I forgot to go to the baby shower but you know what they say…baby socks always erase memories and heal hurt feelings.
3. A Pack of Batteries
With the Zombie apocalypse among us we all know these are the most useful items to have. Even if you don’t have a flashlight you have the batteries that can eventually go into a flashlight.
4. An expired bath bomb
Even if nobody has a bath it’s the thought that counts!
5. One Lonely Metrocard That Expires Tomorrow
Hey, any swipe counts.
6. 1 Vegan Cookbook for Abuelita That Was on Sale
If you know any Abuelita you know that recipe’s do not exist in her kitchen. The only thing that exists is an obscene amount of meat, feelings of love, adobo and death threats to finish your ENTIRE meal.
7. a One Size Fits All Baseball Hat to SHARE
Hand-me-downs are inevitable and if something doesn’t fit Abuelito’s head, maybe it will fit your Uncle’s head or your Brother’s head or my Sister’s new baby’s head, who knows!? Pass it around the room because SOMEBODY WILL END UP WITH THAT HAT!
8. The Bible
How dare you! You know Latinos already have 10 copies.
9. A Picture Frame With a Happy White Family in It
Mom will be like, “Really? You couldn’t find a picture of your real family to put in it? Do you even remember us?”
10. A .99 Cent Store Greeting Card Without Money in It
Feliz Navidad, you will never be invited to Christmas again!