5 Oscar-Winning Films that I Haven’t Seen But Have Gotten Very Good at Pretending I Have
I’m a busy lady, and I didn’t have time to see every goddamn movie that came out last year. But I sure as hell can’t walk around telling people that! So, like every functional adult you know, I made stuff up so I didn’t sound like a moron!
As a celebration of the awards show that I didn’t watch, here are the top 5 Oscar-winning films that I haven’t seen yet but have gotten very good at pretending I have.
“War is hell, ammirite, boys?? AND HOW ABOUT THAT SOUND EDITING, WOWZA. Harry Styles is a modern day Renaissance Man. Did you know he played every role in this movie? True masterpiece.”
4. Darkest Hour
“Dunkirk but with one fat bald guy instead of 100,000 skinny brunette guys. Masterful storytelling.”
3. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
“Well, I for one did NOT expect it to actually be about some billboards. And then it was! Also, what an amazing cast, so glad the villain from Charlie’s Angels finally got his Oscar. True masterpiece.”
2. The Shape of Water
“Gender-reversed Splash, but the guy is still the uglier one. LITERALLY the best movie. True masterpiece.”
1. Call Me By Your Name
:::peach emoji peach emoji eggplant emoji winky face::: Masterful storytelling.