Hello and welcome to the ultimate guide for increasing your flexibility, strengthening your core, and dropping a hot, steamy dookie in your Lululemons!
In our modern world, it’s easy to become wrapped up with work and stress, and to forget about the peace that can be found within us all. It is also easy to forget to eat enough fiber. And at the end of the day, you can’t relax if your pipes are clogged.
I, myself, was once an anxious workaholic with irregular goat poopies, but I found regularity and inner quietude when I took on a yoga practice. I want to offer the same opportunity to others.
And so, with a solid BM in mind, I invite you to come on this journey with me, your pooping yoga guide. Grab a mat, pop a laxative, and get ready to chill so hard your bowels start moving again. And remember to consult a physician and gastroenterologist before starting a new practice. Namaste!
1. Bālāsana (Child’s resting pose)
Sit on your shins and drop your head to the floor. Close your eyes. Find the breath. Digress to your carefree, diaper-wearing, pre-potty-trained self.
2. Bitilasana (Cow pose)
Get on your hands and knees and arch your back towards the floor. Take a deep breath. Feel your heart center opening and your butthole loosening.
3. Utkatasana (Chair pose)
Standing with your legs together, root down through the feet. Slowly bend your legs, squatting low. Reach your arms above your head and draw your ribs in. Feel your bowels opening.
4. Dhanurasana (Bow pose)
Lie on your stomach and find space in the body. Reach back and grab your ankles from behind. Feel the floor squeezing your intestines. Push the poop out backwards.
5. Savasana (Corpse pose)
Lie on your back and feel your body melting into the floor. Feel a calming release throughout your body, but especially in your anus. Feel a wave of joy wash over you as you unleash one hell of a log into your stretchy bottoms.
In conclusion, it is my sincerest hope that, with these poses, you will find the ability to release your inner demons. The light in me honors the light in you. The poop in me also honors the poop in you. Namaste.