I rolled all this way to Kings Landing. Yes, I did. Also, technically I could have flown but who am I to show off? I’m just a man bird. A “mird” if you will. I know everyone here thinks I don’t know what is about to happen but I do. They are going to give me the dragon. I know… plot twist. The thing is they don’t even know I already know that the dragon knows that I know where he is. Get it? Okay, moving on. If I play my cards just right I might be able to get them all-oh I’m so high right now. Bran the bird, on acid, is my name.
These mere mortals don’t even know what’s coming. We are sitting in a semi circle with… honestly I have no idea who these characters are. Wait that guy is my Uncle? What season did he get cut from? Also, who is that boy? Oh never mind… he had a weird storyline.
Oh look! It’s Tyrion! Hey! Oh, he needs a shower. Sucks to be him. I’ll never look like that. I’m Bran and Bran doesn’t need to shower. If I look glassy eyed for long enough they will ask my opinion and I’ll just say some bullshit cause I am boreddddd.
Unsullied needs to do some yoga, wow he is mad. Tyrion is still talking? Okay… why is everyone looking at me now? Smile and wave Bran just smile and wave. Ohhh now I get it! We came here to decide a thing about the kingdom….. boring. Wait, did Sansa just say I can’t have kids? Um obviously I’m a dude, next subject.
Oh, Jon’s here? Damn… really? In jail? Should have seen that coming.
Oh shit! I’m the King? I’m the King? I’m the King. Don’t have any emotion Bran you knew this would happen kinda. I mean you knew something would happen here. Okay, first step to being King find the Dragon and get high all the time. Who am I kidding, I’ve been high since that tree. Okay, everyone stop looking at me. And scene. Disperse… how long do these silences last? Oh, never mind I know. Way too fucking long. Wait are Arya and that guy still fucking? Okay, nap time.