Yesterday I watched Aquaman which is this holiday season’s biggest block buster hit featuring my wet dream, Jason Mamoa (mimosa). Unfortunately, there was a crying baby in the theatre so I’m not really sure if I caught everything that happened. But from my experience watching Aquaman, these are my takeaways. Read with caution it was a whirlwind.
1. Sea water only serves as conditioner for your hair if you are a solid 10.
When Jason Mamoa first drops on-camera (literally), he flips his hair and looks over his shoulder and honestly I got mad. He looked like a hot ass fish but instead soaking wet and his hair was completely detangled!
2. A super hero’s muscles can forgive a terrible script any day
Two grown men wrote the script for Aquaman which had dialogue delivered as if it was the first DRAFT they had ever written.
3. I’m not really sure what the plot was and I tried really hard
There were a lot of battle scenes which did not seem to go together and everything was wet.
4. Onsies are the hottest trend in Atlantis
I was so concerned about her camel toe.
5. Also Ariel is in Aquaman too
Did she get lost again?
6. All make-up is waterproof in Atlantis
You can ONLY fight crime with a blow out and a Sephora makeover otherwise you’ll look like this.
7. Nicole kidman is 51… let that sink in
8. There is a cover of “Africa” by Toto and now I have PTSD
9. Patrick Wilson’s hair shook me to my core
It wasn’t a man bun and it wasn’t a braid. From what I can gather it was a “brun”.
10. William Defoe is a seriously lovable fish… when he smiles.
11. Fish are friends, not food and it’s terrifying
12. Manta really just needs a hug
His Dad died and he got stuck with shitty dialogue, give him a HUG!
13. Aquaman’s name is NOT James Mamoa
14. I really should have read the comics before watching the movie
15. I had to pee the whole time
Here he is one more time: