I Hate the Zoo —
A lesson in self-awareness for moms, entrepreneurs & overachievers
Mei Xiang, the giant panda at the Washington National Zoo, gave birth to two panda cubs this weekend, causing quite a buzz. How could anyone not love panda cubs?
I do. I love baby pandas. I appreciate adorable. I want to visit the panda cubs. But — I have a dilemma — I hate the Zoo.
Specifically, I hate the Washington National Zoo. I wasn’t always aware of this. Or at least, I was reluctant to admit it.
Don’t misunderstand. I am not an animal cruelty crusader nor do I advocate for others to hate the zoo. My zoo hatred is not based in some PETA or UU/Quaker-influenced objection. I like some zoos — the New Orleans and San Diego zoos come to mind.
The story:
When my kids were little, I was a part-time working/stay-at-home Mom. Living in DC and being an over-educated, over-zealous new mom, my day off activities included dragging my children all over DC trying to stuff as much learning, culture, “enrichment” experience into their spongy little minds as possible.
Ok — Yes, I was THAT Mom
Plus, the National Zoo was free. And since I’d transferred to the Mommy track — money was tight. The zoo was a frequent destination, along with the Smithsonian museums, the Mall, the mall, the park and Zany Brainy to play with the toy trains. Until it closed and made my son cry — but that is a whole different Mommy story.
Perhaps also true — I was bored out of my mind.
Most of my friends were still working 60 hour weeks or were in New Orleans. I joined Mommy groups, signed my kids up for Co-op preschool and tried to find community.
It was with one of my new “Mom’s Club” friends that I visited the Zoo one late summer day. Off we went, hopping on Metro with her four (4) kids and my two (2) complete with fully loaded strollers, sippy cups and snacks.
Truth is — I don’t remember the day much. Except it was hot. It was crowded. And it was a long day. Nothing terrible happened. Sorry to disappoint — no meltdowns, no snipers, no getting pooped on. It was a pretty typical day at the Zoo.
When we got home & we went over our respective days, my husband seemed surprised, “You went to the Zoo?!? But, you hate the Zoo!”
“I don’t hate the zoo,” I replied without thinking much… “It’s just …it’s either too hot or it’s windy and cold. If it’s nice out, then it’s too crowded to see anything. And I always have to lift the kids out of the stroller to see the animals. And while it’s free, you have to pay to park or for Metro and then no matter what, you have to walk up the hill both coming and leaving. And, you know, they charge like $6 for ice cream and then the kids want popcorn and a stuffed animal from the gift store. And it’s hot. And it smells bad. And then there’s the whole stroller thing on Metro & you can’t take the escalator and then the elevators aren’t always working. And then the kids are bored and cranky and someone needs to pee and you can’t find a bathroom. And..”
“OK, you’re right, I hate the Zoo”
The Moral of the Story — applied to your business
It wasn’t easy admitting I hate the zoo. I know it may not seem like that great of an epiphany. And yet, more than 10 years later, I remember that moment because it taught me several good lessons applicable to motherhood, entrepreneurship and life in general:
- Challenge or ignore “need, should, must” — my friend Julie, a life coach, recently stopped me mid-sentence when I said, “I need to find time to write more…” When you say, “I need, I should or I must” you are imposing an external standard or someone else’s expectations, she explained. Instead, say “I want”. Doesn’t that feel different?
- Examine your own motives and requirements. Related to above, don’t get caught up in society’s expectations or be afraid to beat your own drum. I read a lot about growing a business, branding, marketing, entrepreneurship, social media, etc. It’s easy to get caught up in the hype of growth, social media trends or technical wizardry and to become overwhelmed by the “need to do more.” Sometimes, you need to step back and reexamine why you started your business and what you want to get out of it. Is it “big enough?” Is it meeting your needs?
- Delegate. Find others who can, will and do enjoy doing the things you hate or don’t particularly enjoy. My sister-in-law loves the zoo; she was obsessed with the baby-tigers-webcam. She became the designated “take the kids to the zoo” aunt. Likewise, find a virtual assistant or junior designer to help with tasks you can’t find time for. At home, hire a cleaning service to do the things you hate.
- Consider the audience. In retrospect, I can see that my kids didn’t particularly love the zoo either. They were happy playing in the mud or just hanging out with friends. My son preferred to stay home and play with his trains. Likewise, we sometimes impose our own design preferences, the latest technical trend, or preconceived ideas in our work without a thorough examination of our audience and their needs.
- Minimal viable product. While we all want to deliver quality and perfection, sometimes the marginal cost of reaching perfection is not worth it. Deliver the core features, test, and adapt. In business, this is called minimum viable product. In parenting, I’ve embraced the concept of “good enough parenting.” After 12 years, a bout with cancer, and some perspective, I’ve accepted that I don’t need to be “super-Mom.” I try to focus on the important things, let a lot more things go and adapt as necessary.
- Relax and have fun. Stop trying so hard. Simplify what can be simplified. And remember, if you’re not having fun, what’s the point?
