5 Fragments Remain
It is the context that has been forgotten.
You have lived long enough now that your memories are there but not as they were. The edges are softer, the reasoning is dimmer, the colors fading. Yet, the essence of each memory is there shining brightly amidst names and places you are no longer able to recall. A word will take you back to a moment. A lingering smell holds you captive in a feeling. A touch has you reliving days gone by.
The Eyes
You glanced back at him as the two of you prepared to leave his relatives’ house. It was a casual, ‘Are you coming?’ kind of look. What startled you and what stayed in your memory were his eyes. Yes, he was on his way out the door, but he wasn’t thinking about goodbyes or the drive home or making sure he had everything. His slightly hazel, mostly green eyes were completely focused on you. You saw nothing but love and tenderness. He would follow you anywhere — to protect, to comfort, to just be wherever you were.
The Loss
The somber nurses had swaddled him tight before handing him over. You had, however, managed to extract one small arm from beneath the labyrinth of blanket layers. When you placed your index finger in his open palm, his entire hand only covered the top half of your finger. Each finger was perfectly formed down to the minute fingernails which already needed to be cut. How could someone so perfect lie so still and silent?
The Rejection
As a burgeoning teenager with her first job, you convinced your parents that it was more important for you to stay home instead of traveling with the family on vacation. Every morning you were picked up by a co-worker with his own car, bottomless chocolate pools for eyes, dark flyaway hair, and a soul to match yours. One lazy afternoon and on the way home, under the blazing summer sun in a green lush park, you awkwardly admitted the crazy crush you had had on him for months. Despite your hopes, he backed away. He had a girlfriend after all, and you knew that. As he drove you home, he was elated that he was able to stand up to temptation. You sat, miserable and not saying anything more, in the passenger seat. Now, instead of having a crush, you were just simply crushed. You waited until he drove away before you began to cry.
The Dog
It was the dog who saved your family. While the late July storm pounded and blew its way around the outside of your cozy and dry house, it was the pacing and whining of the dog that made your husband investigate. The fire was only at the old basement circuit breaker unit at that point, but it was spreading quickly. Your husband raced back up the stairs. He locked eyes with you and without words, you both moved. He grabbed the dog. With a 4-month-old wrapped in a blanket and half asleep, you scooped up a confused 2-year-old with the same arm. The 3-year-old, thinking this was a new game, was a bit harder to catch. She stopped giggling when, with your hand locked into hers, you flew out the front door and into a world turned upside down by stinging rain, wind which pelted all of you across the face with flying debris and lightning which lit up the sky before plunging all of you back into the darkest of storms.
The Moon
Your children delighted in throwing handfuls of orange, brown, and scarlet leaves into the air creating a blizzard in the middle of a warm autumn day. You snapped pictures from a safe enough distance to not have to pull colorful, crispy detritus — and possibly bugs — out of your hair later. The kids, barely out of their toddler years, taunted each other with amusing childhood insults. You made a note to write them down later and then never did. Finally, your oldest had had enough. She turned and dropped her pants. What?! Where did she learn how to moon people? The other two started pointing and laughing and saying the word “Butt!” over and over again. You were laughing so hard you never took a picture.
Fragments of Memories
You are okay with not remembering the what and why of a memory any longer. Sometimes, it is best to shrug off parts and treasure the few moments where the emotion was at its strongest. These are the moments in which you truly lived.
