False Friends Explained by an Expat in Germany
Humiliation is not guaranteed
What’s a False Friend in Germany
A false friend isn’t one that’s being two-faced. It isn’t a friend pretending to be nice to your face but actually trash-talking you behind your back. And it’s not being a bad friend, either (which in Germany might mean that you forgot their birthday or something equally heinous).
A false friend isn’t about a physical friend at all, but about words that pretend to be your friends. And yeah, these friends are two-faced.
Let’s say that you are at a party talking about an inane subject in German. It isn’t easy speaking a new language, but this time you have outdone yourself! Somehow you manage to craft the perfect sentence about the inane subject. You surprise yourself by seamlessly bringing all of your hard-learned grammar together to form the structure. Vocabulary isn’t your strong suit, but this time the words are just there. You even include a word that’s the same in English and German, and the result is a sentence that’s not only clear, not only concise, but at the same time… somehow beautiful. It’s touching, even. …
…and ….why ….is everyone laughing at you?
The problem turns out to be that the word you thought was the same in English and German…wasn’t. This word is your false friend (and all the people having a good laugh at your expense are just normal friends).
The basic definition is this:
False Friend = A word that looks the same or similar in two languages, but with two different meanings.
It turns out there are quite a few words that are spelled almost the same in English and German, and some of them have a different meaning in German. Very different, sometimes. Language learning is hard… you need a leg-up, you need ‘friends’ that save you time learning new words — and you save time when you have the same word in both languages. But sometimes, this friend is false.
Feel betrayed?
You should. Your beautifully crafted sentence meant something much more embarrassing than you thought, and the betrayal is made complete by your complete confidence that your thoughts on the inane subject were perfect.
I’m probably still giving a false impression and should be clear: a false friend doesn’t have to be embarrassing, induce gales of foreign laughter or feelings of betrayal. But I will remind you that the world is a statistically harsh place, and the chances are pretty good that you’ve just livened up the party for everyone else.
A French Example of a False Friend (I’m My Own Worst Enemy)
As I found out traveling through France, you can actually be your own worst friend…oh wait, I mean your own FALSE friend (or in my case, often both). It shouldn’t be possible to grammatically and physically manifest this…but I suppose I excel in…embarrassment(?).
I walked into a small-town bar and landed in a group of somewhat friendly, somewhat drunk afternoon drinkers that looked open to chit-chat with a stranger. I introduced myself using textbook Chapter One grammar: “Je m’appelle Lawrence”. Classic. I didn’t forget to give my name the proper French pronunciation, with the ‘ence’ of Lawrence being more nasal than I was normally comfortable with…and…
…they had a very loud laugh at my expense???
Huh? What just happened? How can I use a basic sentence — probably even a page one sentence in the textbook — and everyone is laughing? An absolute record for me getting laughed at.
And nobody explained.
I later found out that ‘Lawrence’ in France is female. Not as embarrassing as I thought, but the fact remains that in this case I physically embodied what it means to be a false friend.
Maybe that’s why those afternoon drinkers didn’t become my good friends. They may have thought that I was two-faced… but I rather think they lost interest in me as soon as the comedy factor wore off. I admit that Chapter Two of my chit-chat repertoire turned out to be boring. It also didn’t look like ‘Lawrence’ was going to buy everyone a round of beer (although the vocabulary was covered in Chapter 2).
Okay, I admit that my story isn’t the best technical example of a false friend…but honestly, if you are looking for the best examples, I am NOT going to be your best friend. After all, I’ve just admitted to being my own false friend, why expect more for yourself? (But for a technical example see below, or try the Wikipedia page).
To be honest, I sometimes get a little bored of the standard, more concrete examples of false friends. I prefer the subtle kind of false friends that I plan to tease out in future articles…but I have to admit that both concrete and subtle false friends can give the outcomes that make learning a language satisfying. They both create the kind of life experiences that stay a long time in your memory and add an indescribable spice to your life…or is it actually describable…as a scar?
Regardless, it’s thanks to the feelings of betrayal that you don’t forget these friends. Do you find it hard to remember the vocabulary? Well, your new false friend just gave you a light reminder/emotional scar that will improve your future memory.
It’s a good friend if you think of it that way.
A Better Example of a False Friend
But… for the sake of clarity, I will provide a concrete example of a false friend:
‘bald’ in English = ‘without hair’ but ‘bald’ auf Deutsch = ‘soon’ in English.
So now you know: If a German says to you “I’ll see you bald!”, they aren’t threatening a sudden and possibly aggressive loss of hair. Nope, they slipped up and said German ‘bald’ instead of English ‘soon’.
It’s unlikely you’ll ever hear this mistake, so if you do, use your chance: you should definitely laugh and possibly humiliate them. It’s a real possibility that they — or anyone — may interpret your laughter as a classic trait of a bad friend. As bad as missing a birthday. But just consider laughing anyway, as it may be your last chance. Germans can be quite studious. They use effective vocabulary apps, AND they use them effectively.
I know all about those apps. Yes, I do. My German friends and acquaintances that have experienced some of my more painful language mistakes have thoughtfully introduced me to some very effective apps to learn vocabulary. Theoretically, they might help prevent future false friend mistakes.
Makes sense, I suppose.
Except…does it? There is something definitely wrong with these apps. For a while I kept repeating the mantra that they are effective learning tools and kept blindly repeating the vocabulary items…until I realized these apps aren’t intrinsically effective at all: rather, they depend on ME being effective in using the app.
Excuse me…daily practice? Verarschung! (Are you making a fool of me!?) I’ve been tricked into doing all the work.
Think about it: My weather app tells me the weather, my news app tells me what’s going down in the world…but my vocabulary app doesn’t tell me much of anything. And to top it off, it’s asking a whole lot of questions that make my head hurt. How can an app that is supposedly so wonderful and effective just sit back and every now and then do a little organizing? I sometimes wonder if the app is doing anything at all.
Now that’s what I call a false friend.
