We’re sorry to see you go

The 5 most annoying unsubscribe messages and what to do instead

I’m a big fan of the “Irish goodbye.” You know, where you slip out the back door before anyone knows you’re gone? It’s easy, efficient, painless and saves you from long goodbyes and agonizing “don’t go’s.” Given that many people feel this is acceptable for in-person farewells with people they actually know, it’s surprising how little it applies to farewells online. When it comes to emails, our unsubscribe messaging could benefit from a hefty dose of Irish.

The nightmare that is unsubscribing

Whether you never wanted to receive certain emails in the first place but somehow got signed up, or you voluntarily signed up but no longer wish to receive them, you scroll to the bottom of the most recent email to find the blessed “unsubscribe” link. Seeing the light of freedom, you click on the link…only to be taken to a page that does one of five things:

1. Asks you if you’re sure you want to unsubscribe. No, I accidentally scrolled to the end of the email, accidentally found the microscopic “unsubscribe” link and accidentally clicked on it. YES, I am sure I want to unsubscribe.
2. Gives you about five options of things to do as alternatives to unsubscribing. Do you want to receive just one email a day? Do you want to receive two emails a week? How about three every other month? How about NO. The fact that I’m unsubscribing indicates that I am no longer interested. Instead of giving alternative options, companies should make a link to change/update preferences that is separate from unsubscribing. If people merely want fewer emails, they can follow a separate path.

Perfection.

3. Makes you feel like a terrible person for even considering wanting to unsubscribe. “Boo! Sorry you want to stop getting the best emails ever.” Subtle guilt-tripping like this only furthers my desire to cut the cord.

4. Makes some lame attempt at being funny in hopes that you’ll think, “You know, this is a pretty awesome company/site/newsletter/brand. Maybe I won’t unsubscribe after all.” I want to chuck a brick at my computer when I see this. Not only did your emails waste my time, now your crying cat meme has wasted my time.

Those puppy-dog eyes aren’t going to work on me.

5. Allows you to unsubscribe but then refuses to let you go. Some companies, in a last-ditch, begging-on-their-knees effort, ask you questions AFTER you have officially unsubscribed. Would you mind taking our survey? Really? I’m unsubscribing because I have too much time on my hands, so yes, I’ll take your survey. Another version of this is sending you an email to let you know you’re unsubscribed. AHHH! Please, for the love of all things holy, no more emails. (Silent weeping at desk.)

A combination of 4 & 5? I have never been less heartbroken in my life.

What companies should do instead

We are all adults here, so let’s treat each other like it. When a person wants to unsubscribe from your emails, he knows what he’s doing and doesn’t want to be made to feel horrible for it. Yes it’s not ideal for you, but unsubscribing is an inevitable part of email marketing. Let the person go with a plain and simple message, “You are now unsubscribed from all emails.” If (and it’s a big if) someone is having second thoughts about unsubscribing, I can guarantee a clean, guilt-free break would only help to push her decision in the right direction.

Some email marketers believe that there are opportunities to retain subscribers even through the unsubscribing process and that you should leverage these opportunities. I see the argument, especially when it’s your job to boost email communication metrics. But just as telemarketers’ attempts to keep customers at all costs have become universally accepted as irritating, I predict email communication will go the same way. When you tell a customer service representative on the phone that you don’t want to continue a certain service, you mean it. When you tell a company’s email marketing team you don’t want to receive emails, you mean it. Therefore, companies need to be straightforward and make the process as easy as possible.

MailChimp’s Voice & Tone (an internal but publicly accessible style guide) does an excellent job of outlining exactly how different scenarios should be handled, language-wise. The Compliance Alert section gives advice that applies well to unsubscribe language: be straightforward, be calm, be serious and don’t joke around with frustrated people. Companies should consider similar guidelines for their email communications, including recommendations like the ones above for unsubscribing.

In short, cut the BS. There are plenty of places to get creative and saucy with your writing. Conversing with uninterested people is not one of them.