LANGUAGE & CULTURE
Are you rude, or am I just American?
Lessons in politeness across the world
Growing up, I had very little need to understand cross-cultural communication. I lived in a small town in West Texas that was predominantly homogeneous in thinking and communication. However, my life has transitioned from one of societal uniformity to living my life every day in a completely different culture and language.
Now in Spain, I have experienced both sides of the coin, especially when dealing with politeness—because in Texas, the use of ma’am, sir, and other pleasantries are nothing short of required.
Politeness has always seemed extremely straightforward. One is simply polite or impolite. This was solely based on what I had been taught growing up, but after digging a little deeper, it is easy to see that politeness is a function of language that is fluid and gray that fluctuates depending on geography, time, and culture. Politeness is widely regarded as one of the most important guidelines in social interaction, but perceived and demonstrated politeness is much more important than the genuine sincerity of the act.¹
Furthermore, the culture of a society is likely to set a standard of perceived politeness within themselves that is sometimes, if not often, at odds with a different culture.¹ One of the more interesting questions that comes from this statement is: Is one culture more polite than the other, or are they simply different in the way they articulate politeness?
In my opinion, I find the latter to be true.
During my time in Spain, I have found politeness to have been expressed in different ways that I had never experienced before, often in the form of cariño (sweetheart). Nevertheless, I have found that I enjoy homing in and exploring these new forms of communication.
Politeness speech acts in customer service have been one of the biggest differences I have perceived in Spain. At the supermarket in the States where I worked for five years, it was an expectation that employees were to cater to customers’ every whim and to provide “service with a smile.”
In Spain, however, this is not the case. The first time I walked into a store and someone quickly looked at me and snapped dime (“tell me”), I was immediately horrified that I had already made a Spanish faux pas.
Following this encounter, I started hearing this phrase being spoken everywhere — in shops, by my teachers, and in cell phone conversations. I quickly realized this was their way of getting necessary information the fastest way possible, so they could get back to whatever they were doing before the interaction. This is just one clear example of what one culture deems normal in casual conversation can contrast to another culture where this would be found aggressive.
In addition, tipping in the United States is how politeness is measured, and not tipping is one of the fastest ways to be placed into the “scum of the earth” category. While in many other countries, this is quite the opposite. In some countries, it is extremely impolite to tip. This is because, unlike waiters/waitresses in the States, those employees are paid a livable wage by their employers so it’s considered a pity to tip them additional money.
Most people do not have the opportunity to investigate the mechanics of how the language we use in conversation can drive the entire mood of an interaction. Rather than innately following what I would consider the “polite” way to interact with another human, stepping back and thinking about how would someone in the Spanish culture handle this question or situation has proven extremely useful in my life in Spain.
Mentally, this has also created a stronger connection and understanding in one aspect of the Spanish culture that I had previously not fully comprehended.
Sources:
[1] House, J. (2012). (Im) politeness in cross-cultural encounters. Language and Intercultural Communication, 12(4), 284–301.
