Carajo Land

If I am truly mad, then being mad is the only reality that I have ever known.What would it be like to be sane I wonder? The fantasies found in comic books always seemed more interesting to me than our so-called reality, which always seemed a bit too confining and unsatisfactory.

I recently found an old journal. As I was reading through it, I was briefly surprised by the content but immediately afterwards realized that I was just kidding myself because the ideas that were kicking around my head 35 years ago were really no different than the madness that can be found doing a samba there now. Check it out:

4/3/1985 (23 years old!)

Carajo Land

You drive for hours- or what seems like days- on this desolate highway that you imagine to be Carajo land but to your surprise actually is Carajo land. You really don’t have any place to go…that’s good because the road leads to nowhere anyway and here you find yourself not where you started from this morning but where you were yesterday.

Confrontations

I’m browsing through a vintage bookstore and am drawn to a book posed in an almost inaccessible corner as if placed there intentionally- “Confrontations” by Richard Lanoix. On my second reading of this commentary, observation, description of reality (What?!) I gaze in a circus mirror but take a closer look to realize that what I see is not a distortion but myself as I really am… A man stripped naked, bare, but I light a cigarette and with the expired air exclaim “Bullshit!” as I throw the book into the neighborhood garbage heap.

At the cinema Jean-Paul Belmondo lights a cigarette and with the expired air exclaims “Bullshit!” as he throws the book in a pubelle.

“Let’s go crazy” by Prince

“Whatever you heard about me is true, I change the rules and do what I want to do. I’m in love with God, he’s the only way, ’cause you and I know we gotta die someday. You think I’m crazy, you’re probably right, but I’m gonna have fun every motherfuckin’ night. If you like to fight, you’re a double-drag fool. I’m going on to another life. How about you?”

“Coyote” by Joni Mitchell

“There’s no comprehending how close to the bone and the skin and the eyes and the lips you can get, and still feel so alone, still feel related…”

4/14/1985

A Life: Doing things you enjoy doing and having the time to do whatever the fuck you want to do!

Jazz…Life….Love = Improvisation…Free Fall

Once you’ve done something, leave it and move on. You’ll always be able to come back if you want to. But what for? But remember: keep people interested. Tension & Release!

4/15/1985

You have been walking in a daze, perhaps sleepwalking, and opportunely- so you think- you abruptly awaken at the edge of an abyss- alone.

You look back and at a distance you make out a crowd of people who appear from your perspective to form an ant heap. You suddenly come to the realization that you are on the brink of the present. You can taste the fear rising from within but intuitively know that the ant heap provides no relief.

This is perhaps analogous to one’s own development where we are guided by circumstances, external forces- as if sleepwalking. Consciousness has not taken hold of us by the groin yet. However, remember that the point at which the age of responsibility leaves us has not been a matter of volition- we awaken. At this point, for some, consciousness becomes a disease.

Significant others

Are they inherently significant or are they just characters we create in our autobiographies to make it interesting enough to publish?

4/16/1985

No te olvidas!: La cosa importante es de olvidarse! (Don’t forget!: The essential is to forget oneself!)

6/27/1985

Elaborate on the idea of walking a fence without a net on either side.

Very difficult. No one wants you (or is ready for you?)

I somehow knew that I was on a mission but certainly didn’t know at that time what it was all about. I was just following bread crumbs at that time. I certainly didn’t know that I was signing a Faustian pact where I acknowledged by signing on the dotted line (isn’t there a law against having minors sign such pacts?) that, as Jed McKenna stated, “The price of TRUTH is EVERYTHING.” As is the case with most contracts, and all Faustian contracts, there’s the little print in indecipherable legalese babble that no one reads where it explains that EVERYTHING literally means EVERYTHING and is not merely an expression of speech.

For the most part, I seemed content, or actually believed- let’s call it youthful exuberance!- that I could be the master of both worlds. It wasn’t until I was in my early 40’s that I, still not fully grasping where this was all going, drew the first of many “lines in the sand” and officially embarked on the journey that would ultimately lead me to abandon this reality, this illusion. Puta qui Pariú! (Haha! That was spontaneous! It’s a Brazilian phrase that literally translates into “the whore that gave birth to you,” but is used for everything. When you stub your toe, you say Puta qui Pariú! And when you see the most beautiful thing in the whole world you say Puta qui Pariú!) What a journey this has been!

Every layer of letting go has been like peeling a piece of my skin off. It hurts! Yet, the fact is that afterwards I feel lighter and have more clarity. Life is simpler and I have truly come to understand the lyrics that the shaman Don Diego’s sings: “Life is so simple, all you have to do is breathe.” I definitely feel as though I’m making progress, but then there’s another layer, and then another. I now realize that it’s all BULLSHIT! I’m done with this half-stepping. I’m done with Carajo land. It’s time to let it all go and to let go of the letting go. I can see it now. It is clearly possible to continue this process of letting go till hell freezes over. It’s all actually part of Maya’s ingenious methods of shepherding those few sheep that are rebellious and stray from the fold. Rather than expend any energy to bring these rebels/seekers/deserters back into the group that this rebellious lone sheep defiant calls the “herd,” the “masses,” or “cave dwellers,” Maya simply occupies them with useless activities to keep them on the treadmill to nowhere, to “Carajo” land. Sure, these lone sheep are walking separately from the herd, but what they neglect to see is that they are still walking in the same direction to “Carajo” land.

Maya provides these rebellious souls ideas about freedom and liberation, and even provides them with shamans, priests, gurus to teach them how to pray, meditate, perform acts to develop compassion and non-attachment, that all ultimately contribute to the “doer,” which is exactly what needs to be annihilated. Again the image of a dog or a cat endlessly chasing a laser pointer appears in my head, but this time, I’m the one chasing the laser pointer. Haha! It’s a brilliant game that is designed to never end. Its only purpose is to keep you in the game. Puta qui Pariú!

So I’m planning an insurrection, the likes of which Maya has never seen. I’m betting my life on the fact that: 1) The laser pointer doesn’t actually turn into a real laser beam that will fry my brain and erase my hard-earned lessons that got me to this point and catapult me back onto the treadmill with the rest who haven’t even been rewarded with the gift of the meaningless journey to Carajo land; 2) The ticket out is, contrary to popular opinion (they all object as they are chasing their own laser pointers before shepherded back to their treadmills, or if they were really good, taken off their leashes and given an all-inclusive trip to Carajo Land), doing NOTHING. Any action or thought governed by free will, or rather, the illusion of free will, that is not in line with Consciousness serves only to reenforce the “doer” who is blind to the inanity of chasing laser pointers and vacations to Carajo Land. The ticket is to do what you do and observe. Stick with perceiving & let go of the perceiver and perceived. Now that you know that you the doer are merely a character in this Divine Comedy, this “Play of Lila,” take a seat and enjoy the show. Anything and everything “you” “do” ties another knot to keep you imprisoned.

Are you in?

I am an emergency physician, writer and a lover of life. The purpose of this blog is to share my ideas, experiences and perspectives as they relate to Consciousness, and as they evolve. Consciousness encompasses everything in my life, your life, the world, the Universe — in other words — EVERYTHING! As the great Shaman Don Diego used to say: “It’s not the most important thing, and it’s not the least important thing…It’s the ONLY thing!”

Check out my novel: “The Twin Flames, the Master, and the Game”! It’s available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Balboa Press.