The Orquestra

It was a beautiful sunny day. It was early October so there was a very slight chill in the air and a cool refreshing breeze. Ava and Luca had already been together for a little more than two years and had just gotten over a series of minor impasses that combined into a wrecking ball that almost broke them. They wanted to take advantage of the gorgeous day and heal. They were off from work the next few days so they rented a car and a lovely bed and breakfast in Montauk. Their plan was to simply share time together, hike, and experience nature in full bloom. They also had a few mushroom chocolates that a friend gifted them. Neither of them had any experience with drugs. Their friend suggested that they have their first trip in a safe environment with a trusted and experienced friend. They agreed that this would have been better and safer, but thought that this would be the ideal time to have such an experience.

The drive was spectacular. The leaves were just starting to change color and the sky was bright blue. They listened to their shared Spotify playlists and exchanged pleasanteries. They arrived in the mid-afternoon, unpacked and decided to go out and explore the area. They were both in great spirits. They had not eaten at all during the trip and considered having a late lunch. Their plan was to take the shrooms on the following day, but remembered that it was best to take them on an empty stomach. This was the perfect moment. They were certainly nervous but they took the mushrooms, packed their backpack and set out to walk on the beach.

The water was dark blue and green, and the waves high and breaking violently on the deserted beach. They walked hand in hand and asked each other at intervals if they were feeling anything. They began to consider that perhaps the chocolates were duds and nothing was going to happen. They embraced each other and walked along the shoreline barefooted. The water was not really that cold and it splashed up to their knees. They were happy.

After about one hour Ava became very nauseous and dry-heaved a few times. Shortly afterwards, Luca also started to become very nauseous and was burping a lot. They were told that this would happen and their friends reassured them that the nausea would pass after awhile and then the magic would happen. Nonetheless, they were both overwhelmed by a sense of panic. There was no one around and the beach houses appeared to be abandoned. They suddenly realized that they were at least one or two miles from their rental and weren’t really sure how they would find it going back. The overwhelming fear was that they had no idea where the nearest hospital was in the event if something really bad happened.

Luca started to search for his phone but realized that they agreed to leave the phones behind, which increased their anxiety. In addition to the nausea, they both started to feel dizzy and were unsteady on their feet. They walked over to one of the homes that seemed to be shuttered for the season and sat on the porch. The sun was setting and the entire sky seemed to be on fire. The sun was bright yellow and the entire surrounding sky was bright, bright orange. There were many fluffy clouds in the sky that were a combination of white, shades of gray, as well as red, purple and orange. They would take turns pointing at the clouds to indicate how they were dancing. The ocean seemed to take on an eerie hue of dark grey with red streaks emanating from the sun towards them. The ripples in the distance constructed fractal patterns that intrigued them.

Another wave of panic swept over them. They had the feeling that the ocean was creeping higher and higher on the beach and was coming to take them. They looked at each other and noticed that they were both trembling. They wrapped each other in the blanket but could not shake the chill that seemed to be coming from the inside.

“Make me a promise,” Ava said.

“It depends,” Luca joked.

“I’m not kidding,” Ava insisted. “I need you to make me a promise.”

“Okay. Anything.”

“Promise me that no matter what happens tonight, we won’t allow each other to enter the water.” Ava was now trembling out of control. “Promise.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Luca said as he held her tighter. “I promise love.”

“I’m freezing,” Ava said.

“Me too. I can’t stop trembling,” Luca added. “How did it get so cold so quickly.”

“Let’s walk. Maybe it’ll warm us up.” They stuffed the blanket in their backpack and started to run hand in hand until they were out of breath. Neither of them noted that the nausea had subsided. The sound of the waves were magnified and the wind seemed to carry them. They stood in front of each other panting and laughed.

“What’s so funny,” Luca asked.

“You look so weird,” Ava said cracking up. “Your nose is huge and your eyes are bright green.”

“Well you look like you’re wearing one of those Buddhist hungry beast masks.”

“Maybe that’s what I really am and once my transformation is complete,” Ava took on a very serious tone, “I’ll eat you alive.”

Luca laughed and started to run away, saying “You’ll have to catch me first.” She chased after him. They both ran as fast as they could until Luca tripped in the sand and fell down. She jumped on top of him and started to bite him gently. After laughing a lot they just lay on their backs and for the first time noticed that the sky was filled with stars. The stars were bright and seemed to be just a few feet above them. They reached out trying to grab them and laughed at how ridiculous it was to do so.

“It must be the shrooms,” Ava said.

“Ya think so, Captain Obvious?” Luca joked.

“Don’t be a dick,” Ava retorted annoyed.

“I’m sorry babe,” Luca turned and hugged her. “I was only kidding.”

“Seriously,” Ava asked. “Don’t the stars seem ridiculously bright and right in front of us?”

“They really do,” Luca agreed. “It’s crazy.” They got up, dusted themselves off and continued to walk hand in hand. The chills were gone and the ambient temperature now seemed perfect. Everything around them seemed distorted. The breaking waves glittered against the soft light of the stars. They had no idea how far they had walked and didn’t care. They were feeling great. They were together but so many random ideas, realizations, seemingly brilliant ones filled their heads. They stopped every once in awhile and looked into each other’s eyes as though seeing each other for the first time. There was so much they each wanted to say but said nothing. They saw love. They saw a beautiful mirror and saw themselves as though for the time. They continued to walk in the dark and imagined large figures looming out from the large waves that crashed nearby. But now there was no fear.

They started to feel tired and opened the blanket on the sand. They also realized that they hadn’t had anything to drink since they had arrived. They took small sips of water fearing that it would trigger other waves of nausea. They were great students and remembered that their friend told them that shrooms were great to explore the outside world and have fun, but even more powerful when you sat, closed your eyes and embarked on an inner adventure. They sat side by side and closed their eyes. They were immediately swept away by the sound of the waves that took them both on a magic carpet ride to their inner landscapes. The cool breeze embraced them and moved them deeper into themselves. They were taken to strange exotic places and offered many teachings and insights.

There was no concept of time and place. They were experiencing pure being. Ava got up and started walking towards the water. Luca sensed that she was not by his side and opened his eyes to see her squatting in front of the water. He was about to call out to her to remind her of their promise but caught himself. He trusted her and trusted the moment. He walked over to her and stood by her side. The water was cold and sent a chill throughout his body. She took his hand and pulled him down by her side.

“Put your hands in the water,” she commanded. Luca put both his hands in the water and felt as though he were a part of the ocean and weirdly, connected to her because her hands were also in the water.

“Don’t you feel as though you’re part of it,” Ava asked. “Like you are the ocean. I can’t explain it.”

“I feel it,” Luca agreed. “There’s a tingly feeling that’s creeping up my arms and filling my body. It’s amazing.” They imbibed that feeling of oneness with the ocean and accepted its gifts. They again packed the blanket, took a sip of water, and continued their walk. Their shoulders brushed against each other rhythmically as though transmitting some type of Morse code that obviated any need for words. Luca suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and held Ava back.

“What is it?” Ava asked in a frightened tone. She scanned the area quickly to see if Luca had seen a wild animal or something dangerous.

“Look!” Luca pointed ahead of them. “Can’t you see it?”

She continued to scan the area. “See what?”

“I’m really tripping,” he said.

“Wait!” Ava blurted out and pointed ahead. “Are you talking about that? Are we seeing the same thing?”

“But that’s not possible.” Luca grabbed her shoulders and turned her around facing the other direction and he did the same. The started to giggle uncontrollably. “Close your eyes and when I count to three, we’ll turn around at the same time.” They both counted out loud, still giggling: “One…two…two and a half…and three.” They both jumped at the same time as though they were playing hopscotch.

“Now open your eyes.” When they both opened their eyes, they were shocked to see the same apparition. They shouted in unison: “What the fuck!” It was at that moment that the apparition, who had his back turned to them, turned around angrily and put his finger to his mouth indicating that they should shut up. Shocked that not only were they seeing the same impossible vision but that it was communicating with them.

Luca was in shock and let out: “Holy shit!”

“This can’t be,” Ava said in disbelief. “Are we really seeing the same hallucination?”

“What are you seeing?”

“There’s a guy with gray hair that’s slicked back in a long-tailed tuxedo on a podium,” Ava started.

Luca continued: “He’s conducting an orchestra that must have at least one thousand musicians.”

“Yeah,” Ava said. “They’re spread out as far as I can see down the beach, on the water and on top of those houses.”

“The funny thing is that I can see him conducting wildly, and various sections playing,” Luca said, “but I can’t hear anything. Can you hear them?”

“Nothing,” Ava answered. “I just hear the waves and the wind. What’s going on here?”

The conductor again turned around with an exasperated look on his face and with both hands on his hips. He waved his baton at them and pointed to a spot on the sand. They had no intention of complying to a hallucination but without any volition, they took out the blanket and sat down. They looked at each other not understanding what was going on. The conductor again turned to the orchestra and started conducting but again, they heard nothing. They looked at each other in agreement that they should start heading back to their bed and breakfast. They started to stand up but again the conductor waved his baton and they immediately sat down. They had heard a lot about tripping on shrooms and acid, but never heard anything about a shared trip. They realized that not only were they losing control of their minds, but they also lost complete control of their bodies.

The conductor smiled graciously, bowed to them and made circles with his baton pointing to the area between them and his podium. He brought his two fingers to his eyes and then to that area, indicating that they should focus their attention there. He then turned around and began to move his arms very slowly. After a few minutes, the area became illuminated as though there was a spotlight above it. They looked up trying to find the source of the light but couldn’t find it. The conductor turned now to face the illuminated area and made flowing gestures with the hand with the baton and the other free hand. Suddenly they saw as clear as day images of themselves. Their images were talking and they could hear them clearly.

The conductor turned to the violin section that was floating over the ocean, and as soon as they started to play, the image of Ava said with great emotion: “I feel that you never hear me out when I’m speaking.”

The conductor continued to move the baton over the violins and used his right hand to prompt the clarinet section: “Babe, that’s complete nonsense.” The conductors right hand indicated that the clarinets should play softly. He then moved the baton to the Oboe section, slightly more agitated, and on cue Ava said with even more emotion: “That’s exactly what you’re doing now. I’m telling you what I’m feeling and you say that it’s bullshit.” The conductor called in the trumpets with great expression and Ava turned and started walking away.

The conductor raised both hands the air in the direction of the cymbals and threw them down simultaneously very quickly. The cymbals silently came together. Luca ran over to Ava, grabbed her arm and flung her around. The conductors arms were now flailing wildly and the violins played accordingly. Ava screamed at Luca: “You know what’s bullshit? This is bullshit! It’s always the same thing. You always think you’re right and everyone else is wrong. That’s the bullshit.”

The conductor swung both arms even more wildly and the cellos now joined in. “What are you talking about?” Luca screamed back, still holding Ava’s arms firmly. “I try to listen and be patient, but you’re always whining.”

“Whining!” Ava blurted out and violently pulling away. The orchestra seemed to be playing in a frenzy. “How dare you?” The conductor was now swinging his baton up and down as though beating a drum, and the percussion session went wild. Ava pushed Luca away and started running away.

Luca and Ava were mesmerized by what they were witnessing. This was exactly the fight they had just had a few days ago. They looked on in silence and in disbelief. The conductor now moved his arms in a sweeping motion to the left and the guitars started to play while Luca chased after Ava, caught her, and swung her around. The conductor now lowered both his hand making small wavy motions indicating that the orchestra should slow down. Luca pulled Ava towards him and embraced her. The conductor pointed to the violin section and made broad movement with his hands and body. Both Ava and Luca began to cry in each others arms. The conductor started to make short staccato movements with his baton pointed at the cellos who started to pluck their strings. Ava and Luca started to sob more violently. The conductor now pointed to the lead trumpet and gently guided his tempo. Luca whispered in Ava’s ear: “I love you so much. I’m so sorry…so sorry.” The conductor pointed to the percussion section and clenched his hand and then opened it. They started to softly beat the drums. Luca pleaded: “Please forgive me. Please.”

The conductor again started to sway his entire body back and forth and the flute section stood up and started to play. Ava blurted out: “I love you too. I love you but I can’t live like this. Things have to change.” The conductor started to jump up and down and the clarinets also stood up and played excitedly. Luca spoke softly: “I’ll do anything for you. Anything. I don’t want to lose you. I love you.”

The conductor moved more slowly now, his arms moving fluidly. The violins played gently but expressively. Ava and Luca remained in each others arms and cried in silence. The conductor continued to move in the same manner and tempo, and now called upon the Tabla section. He then indicated with his baton that the oboe and flute sections come in with gusto. Ava and Luca held each other tighter, professing their love for each other.

Ava and Luca were also now sobbing and embraced each other tightly. They still couldn’t believe what they were seeing. The conductor now turned to face them and threw his arms up repeatedly and without any control over their bodies, they stood up. He moved his baton over the conga section and moved his baton as though controlling a marionette and they suddenly started dancing to some unknown inner rhythm that seemed completely clear to them. As the conductor turned his hands, they turned. He turned slightly sideways to summon the piano and silence everyone else, and they stopped dancing and embraced. Their heads were turned towards the conductor who beamed a smile, held his one hands out to his and then tapped the index finger of his right hand to his temple. He was clearly asking them if they understood. Ava and Luca weren’t completely sure that they understood, but now with complete volition, they were able to nod their heads yes. The conductor placed both hands over his heart, bowed deeply and stood up. He then turned to each side moving his hand over one side of the orchestra and then the other. They all stood up and he put his baton under his arm and clapped for them. He then turned to face Ava and Luca, looked back at the orchestra in order to synchronize, and they all took a bow. They then disappeared.

Ava and Luca were in total disbelief.

“Did that really just happen?” Luca asked.

“We both saw the same thing. It must have been real.” Ava said reassuringly.

“But how is that possible? Luca asked and then stated: “It’s not possible.”

“Okay, it’s not possible but even if it was in our heads, what did it all mean?”

“Let’s start walking back and maybe the fresh air will help us to wrap our heads around this.” They fortunately recalled that the water was on their left when they started so it had to be on their right walking back. They hoped that there would be some kind of landmark to guide them back to the bed and breakfast. They walked in silence for a long time until Ava suggested they sit down and meditate on what just happened. Luca agreed.

It was pitch black dark. The only illumination came from the stars that seemed to flicker like strobe lights. The waves were crashing more gently now and it was still comfortably cool. They were still tripping but after what had happened, they felt more sober. Immediately after they closed their eyes, they realized that they were just as intoxicated as they had been before. They were back on their magic carpet ride.

They felt themselves to be flying through some type of space that was unknown to them. They couldn’t identify their own bodies but sensed themselves spiraling and somersaulting through space. They each then became aware of another presence flying just as quickly immediately adjacent and sometimes flying through them. It was during these moments of contact when flying through each other that they first felt the other’s presence and with each subsequent pass, the recognition was stronger and clearer. There were no outer voices but the perception of sound was transmitted loud and clear:

“Ava, is that you?”

“Yes. Can you feel me like I can feel you?” Ava asked.

“Yes,” Luca answered telepathically. “I feel a vibration that I think is me, and then there’s another vibration that I knew was you.”

“Same here. It’s powerful!” Ava said. “Where are we going?”

“Haha,” Luca mused. “Does it matter?”

“Not at all.” Ava replied. “This feels amazing. We’re flying!” Almost as soon as she shared that thought, they both seemed to stop and could sense that their energies were intertwined rather than next to each other. They were surrounded by dense stars. It looked like pictures they had seen of the Milky Way. Aside from their thoughts there was pure silence. They had no idea of where they were, direction, or landmarks with which to orient themselves. There was no fear and surprisingly they had no questions. They just marveled at the experience of being in space, flying and being one with each other.

“Do you think this has anything to do with the conductor and orchestra?” Luca thought.

“No idea.” Ava thought back. “I haven’t even had time to wrap my head around that one.”

They started to move again and were flying around and through stars, asteroids, and planets. Their only moment of panic came when they hurtled towards a humungous sun. They literally thought that they would be toast, but once they penetrated the surface, there was only the feeling of energy passing through them. They could only see patterns of bright colors shooting rapidly back and forth and bouncing off each other. They were now moving very slowly in what they thought was a straight line but was really a spiral.

They were able to hear, or in this case feel each other’s thoughts and recognized that not all of them required a reply. Suddenly, a soft voice that was distinct from either of them filled their essence: “This is your true nature.”

“Did you hear that?” Ava thought.

“Yes,” Luca thought back. The voice repeated the same phrase but now a little louder: “This is your true nature. Feel it, explore it, absorb it, and play with it.”

“Now we’re really tripping!” Luca thought.

“Please don’t attribute this experience to the shrooms. That would be a great error.” The voice said authoritatively.

“But we are on shrooms and we are tripping.” Ava thought. “We just saw an orchestra that seemed to be playing us. We then find ourselves flying through space together as one entity listening and talking to ourselves. Now we’re having a conversation with a voice while in the middle of a sun.”

Luca completed her thought: “And you’re suggesting that we’re not tripping balls?” Luca mentally laughed hysterically and Ava couldn’t resist joining him.

“This is your true nature,” the voice repeated. They stopped laughing. They had the sense that they were being moved at hyper speed and burst out of the sun. The patterns of the stars now seemed completely different. They were now more spacious and they could see large planets circling the sun that they had just traversed. They had the sense that everything was moving through space, including the sun, stars and planets.

“You are Consciousness,” the voice continued. “Just as is everything you see and experience before you and in your ordinary life. It’s all Consciousness.”

“And who are you?” they thought simultaneously.

“Consciousness,” the voice filled their being. “I am Consciousness as you are. There’s only Consciousness.”

Again, they simultaneously asked: “Then why haven’t we ever had this experience before?”

“What you see and experience is limited by your perception?” The voice responded. “While in your earthly trappings, you buy into being human beings and thus you are. In fact, you are the infinite manifesting as the finite.”

“But why?”

“Why not?” The voice laughed. “Why does there have to be a reason? And if there were, are you so arrogant to believe that you could understand it? Your minds were not designed to compute at these infinite scales.”

“Then why are we having this experience?”

“The shrooms opened a portal through which you are now able to experience yourself as Consciousness. As I shared before, feel it, explore it, absorb it, and play with it. After all it is your true nature.”

“And who was the conductor, the orchestra?” Ava thought.

“There is only Consciousness, my loves. They were all Consciousness manifesting as a conductor and orchestra.”

“But he seemed to be controlling us. How?” They asked.

“We, in our manifested roles, are all moved by Consciousness. We are moved by the Universal Orchestra. We are its instruments and play its grand symphonies.”

“Then are we just puppets, marionettes?”

“From a very limited perspective, yes.” The voice answered. They were now circling a planet that had rings like Saturn, but there were many of them and were bright colored. “From a higher perspective, you recognize that you are Consciousness manifesting as the conductor, actor, musician, instrument and at the very same time, the audience. From that perspective, you are an integral part of the greatest symphony in the Universe. You are the creator, instrument and audience. Can you see it from that grand and yet so sublime perspective?”

They both responded in unison: “Maybe we need another hit of shrooms and it’ll be crystal clear!” They all laughed, and the voice joined them in their hysterical laughter. They now moved on to another planet that consisted of dense vapor. They flew through into the vapor and below, they observed that the entire planet was an ocean. There were huge waves crashing into each other and explosions of gas that shot plumes of smoke high into the atmosphere. They were witnessing the birth of life on another planet.

The insights the voice shared with them were profound. Yet in that state of joined energy darting about through the universe, it seemed quite natural and almost obvious. There was a brief moment where they attempted to grasp what the voice just told them, but together they both let it go. They let go trying to understand, rationalize or make sense of it. It simply was and was grokked as such. They were now traveling at an incredible speed and everything around them was a blur of light. They then entered a place of complete darkness. All of a sudden there was no movement. They couldn’t even hear their thoughts. What remained was a sense of presence that was shared between the two of them, but with everything else simultaneously.

They remained floating in that sense of being for what seemed to be a very long time. There was then the sensation of opening their eyes and they found themselves on the beach. There was a soft cool breeze and the sun was just rising behind them. The sky was filled with seagulls and their squawking, wailing and caws. They looked at each other confused about what had just happened. They laid down and held each other in a tight embrace. They instinctively knew that words could not sort out the experience they just shared, so they remained silent, as though they were still communicating telepathically.

The seagulls were converging on them. They had a shared sense that the conductor was moving his baton gracefully to bring those seagulls and dictate the tempo of their caws, and was now moving his baton in such a manner to indicate that they should stand up and walk. The conductor now moved his arms more vigorously and the waves crested and crashed onto the beach as his arms rapidly descended. The repeating motions of his arms called upon more waves that swelled and crashed in perfect time. The conductor now raised his hands above his head in maddening circles and the bright sun appeared over the houses followed by a cool breeze following his other hand swaying softly.

They understood. They were Consciousness, the instruments and the audience performing and witnessing the grandeur of the Universe’s greatest symphony. They kissed deeply, looked deeply into each other’s eyes, and embraced. On cue with the wave of the conductors smile and wave of his baton, they started to walk hand in hand down the beach, their feet splashing the water to the perceptible rhythms of the tabla section.

There was a silence that was suffused with the crescendo of the cello section and sometimes dissonant chords of the piano. In that silence, they shared a thought: “Belleza! Belleza! Belleza!

I am an emergency physician, writer and a lover of life. The purpose of this blog is to share my ideas, experiences and perspectives as they relate to Consciousness, and as they evolve. Consciousness encompasses everything in my life, your life, the world, the Universe — in other words — EVERYTHING! As the great Shaman Don Diego used to say: “It’s not the most important thing, and it’s not the least important thing…It’s the ONLY thing!”

Check out my novel: “The Twin Flames, the Master, and the Game”! It’s available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Balboa Press.