How we see things is more important than the things themselves
"It is not events that disturb people, it is their judgements concerning them." (Epictetus, Discourses and Selected Writings)
Everyone has a different lens. We can choose the way we judge a situation by being aware of our lenses and choosing which one we are going to use. Epictetus uses the wine-glass example, and I'll sum up this way: when a friend breaks a glass we could end up saying: — "Oh, don't worry, it was only a glass." We feel calm and we accept the situation as being ordinary. But when it happens to ourselves, we get upset or angry as if it was something new or different.
Many external events aren't in our control, but we can decide the way we look at them and respond to them.
“Death, for example, is nothing frightening, otherwise it would have frightened Socrates. But the judgement that death is frightening –now, that is something to be afraid of. So when we are frustrated, angry or unhappy, never hold anyone except ourselves –that is, our judgements –accountable.” (The Enchiridion by Epictetus)
