Bill Clinton’s Mischievous Plan as First First Man

Last night Hillary Clinton made history by becoming the first woman to secure the presidential nomination of a major political party. This also means that Bill Clinton is one step closer to breaking a glass ceiling of his own: becoming the first First Man.

Bill sat through the convention with a twinkle in his eye. It was clear he was considering the possibilities of life back in the White House.

Slick Willy’s ideal agenda as the first First Man would probably go something like this:

  • 4:30 AM: Wake up as Hillary gets up for her day, go back to bed
  • 8:00 AM: Wake up, check calendar to make sure it’s empty, go back to bed
  • 10:00 AM: Mix gin and tonic #1, while pouring a bowl of Captain Crunch
  • 1:00 PM: Dial random numbers on the White House’s phone asking for the largest order of pickles that can be delivered in 30 minutes
  • 1:15 PM: Complain to nearest bodyguard about the availability of DC pickle distributors, while pouring gin and tonic #4
  • 2:30 PM: Force all maids and house guests to participate in impromptu game of Family Feud
  • 4:00 PM: Drive golf cart around South Lawn, blasting DMX’s “X Gon Give It to Ya”
  • 5:00 PM: Change out of pajamas
  • 5:30 PM: Convince White House chauffeur that Hillary requested Wendy’s pick-up for dinner
  • 5:45 PM: Order 12 frosties and heckle Wendy’s drive-through employee for gin and tonic #7 claiming that the first First Man deserves it
  • 7:00 PM: Sit in front of fire reading an upside-down book waiting for Hillary to get home
  • 9:00 PM: Wake up in chair, head to empty bed giddy for tomorrow

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