A Couple of Ways I’m Trying to “Do Better and Be Better”
In April 2019, President Nelson gave a talk to all men entitled, “We Can Do Better and Be Better”. It was a call to repentance for men and an invitation to be better to the women in our lives; to be more righteous, more engaged and more helpful.
When President Nelson gave his talk, I received it with an open heart, and it’s still changing my life. I’ve tried to take a very practical approach to his advice, and I’m using this post to outline some of the steps I’ve taken to unplug and pay more attention to my family.
The letter.
President Nelson read a letter he received from a woman who wrote to him about her relationship with her husband and sons:
“[My daughters and I] feel we are in fierce competition for our husbands’ and sons’ undivided attention, with 24/7 sports updates, video games, stock market updates, [and] endless analyzing and watching of games of every [conceivable] sport. It feels like we’re losing our front-row seats with our husbands and sons because of their permanent front-row seats with [sports and games].”
This struck a chord with me. I definitely know I’ve been guilty of “phubbing” people in my life…
After some self-examination, I realized there are two very controllable scenarios where I pull out my phone impulsively and ignore the world.
Scenario One: Just Got Home
Many times after a long day, I get home to my family, throw myself on the couch, and pull out my phone for some dead-brain time. My head says, “I’ve had a long day, I need a minute”
But after I thought about what I was doing and the steam rising from my wife’s head, I realized I just had a minute. I had a few minutes, actually, on my way home.
So I have started trying to maximize my “headed home” time.
If I’ve had a particularly long or tiring or stressful day, I turn off the radio, and breathe. I still drive, but I try not to road rage and hurry home, getting more frustrated. I pick a lane, I deal with the slow downs, and I try to breathe and decompress from my day during that time.
So, when I get home, instead of pulling my phone out, I try (remember, I’m still trying here…) to take time for my wife and kids. If I need to sit and chill on the couch for a bit, I strike up conversations with the kids that have come to say hello to Dad instead of going for the phone or TV remote.
“How was your day?”
“What was the best part?”
“What games did you play today?”
“What was cool at school?”
It’s super easy to get my young kids excited to talk to their Dad about what I missed while I was away…I only hope the talkativeness will stick around when they’re pesky teenagers! 🙏🙏
If I don’t need the couch and have some energy, I try to help my wife where she might need it most:
- Do some laundry things (you know, load, switch, sort, fold)
- Do some dishes things (never…ending…)
- Do some picking up
Nothing crazy, nothing hard, but my wife appreciates it when I go for it.
Give it a shot, let me know how it goes.
Scenario Two: Push Notifications
Push notifications are often my downfall. I have an iPhone, and an Apple Watch, and I get inundated. When I wake up, I used to have a full screen of noti’s that started my day. And pretty much every other time of the day if I pulled out my phone or glanced at my watch, I could see a social media notification, a game notification, a money notification; YouTube, news, sports, Slack…apps are constantly vying for attention.
So what did I do?
I went to my phone’s settings and I disabled all notifications that weren’t strictly necessary.
Then, I went to my Apple Watch and further filtered push notifications. By default your watch mirrors your phone’s noti’s, but if you go to the Apple Watch app, you can tone them down even more by disabling what apps are allowed to buzz your wrist.
After that, I deleted apps that were too “triggering” for distraction. I could literally spend hours scrolling Facebook, between my news feed, the Marketplace, the new groups feed…so much content it can make your head spin.
The only apps that send me notifications now are my Gmail, Slack, and the “phone” part of my phone (calls, texts, voicemails, etc).
For my Gmail noti’s, it’s only my work email that sends me notifications, and I used the app’s preferences to only notify me of ‘important’ messages.
It’s helped keep the random buzzes to a minimum and I’ve spent much less time impulsively scrolling.
There are so many other parts of President Nelson’s address that I could go on about. I gave my own talk about this in our Sacrament Meeting a few months ago in church and I went way over on my time because there is so much wisdom and insight packed in:
President Nelson talks about the nature of the adversary and why he tempts each of us in the ways that he does.
He talks about the literal definition of ‘repentance’, what it means to repent, and how we can practice repentance every day of our lives.
Our Prophet blesses each of us with greater power to make conscious choices to be more righteous, to treat our families better, to intentionally seek the guidance of the Spirit.
I invite you to scroll to the top of my article and click the link to the full article on the Church’s website.
Oh, and if you’ve already read too much, watch the video!
